Sex caused a ton of problems for the residents of Wisteria Lane on Desperate Housewives
this week. Lynette explodes over her son's sex life. Susan and Jackson take turns withholding sex from one another. Carlos and Gabi freak out when an old lady joins them in bed. And the kitchen counter for Bree's catering business is a new hot spot for sexual liaisons.
All this action leads to secrets being revealed, people getting fired, blackmail and pregnancy. This is one of those rare Desperate Housewives
episodes where all the separate storylines are quite entertaining.
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Miraculously, Desperate Housewives
doesn't drag out the misunderstanding and in the first five minutes, Lynette (Felicity Huffman
) and Tom (Doug Savant
) learn that teenage son Porter is sleeping with Anne, his best friend's mom. The parents agree to keep it a secret so long as he never sees her again. Lynette snaps at a PTA meeting and lays a royal smackdown on Anne in the women's bathroom. But that's not the end of the story, because Anne is pregnant and she and Porter plan to run away together.
Orson (Kyle MacLachlan
) and Bree (Marcia Cross) fire a pot-smoking thief, and they celebrate with some hot sex in the kitchen of the catering business. Unfortunately, Charlie steals the surveillance tape and blackmails the Hodges for $2,000 or else he'll put the Hodge sex tape on YouTube.
Rather than pay, Bree orders her son Andrew (Shawn Pyfrom
) to do whatever it takes to get the tape back. If anyone knows how evil and nefarious Andrew can be, it's his mother. He gets the tape, but it doesn't show Orson and Bree having sex - it shows Katherine and Mike having sex! Katherine (Dana Delany
) laughs it off when Bree tells her, but Bree has concerns that she's sleeping with Susan's ex-husband.
The Susan-Jackson relationship reboot is troubling since she refuses to have sex until the fourth date. On the bright side, the sexual frustration inspires Jackson to start painting actual art again. Naturally, things get messed up when Susan (Teri Hatcher
) wants to have sex on the third date, and Jackson turns her down because not having sex is artistically inspirational.
She shows up to his apartment in some sexy lingerie, but he refuses. She barges into his room and sees a painting of her, looking sad. She's stunned that he knows her so well, because I guess Susan is sad most of the time. If I were her, I would be too.
Gabi (Eva Longoria Parker
) loves living in the lap of luxury on Virginia's dime, particularly the part where waiters wade into pools to serve her margaritas. Things grow awkward when the old lady crawls into bed with Gabi and Carlos (Ricardo Antonio Chavira
) to watch a movie with the family. It's a little bit like the Solis family are a bunch of prostitutes, exchanging companionship for material objects.
When Virginia asks the Solis children to call her grandma, Gabi decides they need an exit strategy to escape the crazy old woman. The final straw comes when Virginia crashes Celia's birthday party and Gabi tells her off. She responds by getting Carlos fired from his country club masseuse job.
Dave and Mrs. McCluskey
Karen (Kathryn Joosten
) and her sister discover Dave's little secret: he's being treated by a world-renowned psychiatrist for the criminally insane. Is "criminally insane" a real thing? I always assumed it was a term invented for Batman villains. They call up the doctor and he's thrown to learn Dave is in Fairview, so he books a flight into town. Meanwhile, Dave (Neal McDonough
) signs the Wisteria Lane garage band up for a battle of the bands.
Next week on Desperate Housewives
: Susan's daughter Julie is dating a much older man, Lynette (and Anne's husband) learn about the pregnancy, and a fire breaks out during the battle of the bands.
-John Kubicek, BuddyTV Senior Writer
(Image courtesy of ABC)