Desperate Housewives

Previously on Desperate Housewives: Five years in the future, Bree and Katherine are still at odds, Gabi is upset she has a fat kid, Susan is dating her young house painter and Edie returned to Wisteria Lane with her new, super crazy husband.

In tonight's episode of Desperate Housewives, we learn that the women are all crazy. Actually, we already knew that, but in every storyline, the main women make crucial errors in judgment, whether it's flirting with their son, fighting over a name, or getting angry when people do exactly what they're told to do.

Susan
Susan's new boyfriend Jackson (Gale Harold) has an unfortunate run-in with Mike, who wants to spend time with him since Jackson will be spending time with Mike and Susan's son. Susan obsesses over turning Jackson into a man Mike (James Denton) can approve of. Because Susan is insane, the only thing worse than Jackson and Mike not getting along is them getting along too well, which is exactly what happens.

That night Jackson nibbles on Susan's ear, which he learned from talking to Mike. Susan (Teri Hatcher) forbids the men to see each other again. Susan goes to a bar where she thinks the two men are secretly hanging out, but Jackson isn't there. Susan confesses that her real reason to stop this budding friendship is she doesn't want Jackson's view of her tainted by Mike. Susan is finally OK with Jackson hanging out with her ex-husband, but she draws the line when her first husband Karl shows up.


Gabi
Carlos (Ricardo Antonio Chavira) is now a masseuse who treats clients in his home, which upsets Gabi (Eva Longoria Parker) because she wants him to take a country club job that pays better. He does, but it goes poorly because Gabi is uninvited from a fancy party because her country club friends don't want to socialize with “the help.”

Gabi sneaks herself and Carlos into the party through the back entrance, lying to her blind husband about the plan. They get caught, and Gabi runs out the back as security for the party escorts Carlos out. Gabi complains about how she's lost everything because the country club people have so much, but as their masseuse, Carlos assures her that they have problems too, and that between their marriage and their children, Gabi and Carlos actually have it pretty good.


Lynette
In an effort to get to know her teenage son Porter better, Lynette (Felicity Huffman) decides to cyber-stalk him. She poses as a cute 16-year-old girl online and is surprised to learn that Porter writes poetry. Tom (Doug Savant) wisely instructs Lynette to shut it down before it goes too far, but he has no such luck because, as is the theme of this episode, the women of Desperate Housewives are all crazy.

Lynette chats online with her son, asking about his love life. He says he doesn't have a girlfriend, but there is someone he has his eye on. In the most predictable turn of events ever, Porter sends the love poem to Lynette. Lynette sends a break-up e-mail, but unfortunately signs it “Love, Mom.” The next day she tries to apologize because she just wanted to talk to her son.


Bree
A sample of Bree's cookbook arrives in the mail, causing a fight with Orson (Kyle MacLachlan) over the fact that she's using the melodic name Van de Kamp instead of the dull Hodge as her professional name. Bree (Marcia Cross) does a radio show to talk about how she favors traditional family values, which apparently includes pretending your new husband doesn't exist. Orson is offended that he wasn't mentioned.

Late at night, Orson is once again offended that Bree never came home to make him a pot roast, and he demands that she makes it for him. She does it reluctantly, which is probably a good idea since he went to jail for running over Mike in his car.


Edie
Life on Wisteria Lane hasn't gotten any easier for Edie (Nicollette Sheridan), and she wants to leave because Mrs. McCluskey called her breasts “a miracle of German engineering.” Crazy Dave (Neal McDonough) talks her out of it and then goes to Mrs. McCluskey (Kathryn Joosten) to intimidate her into apologizing by making veiled threats.

The next day her cat goes missing. After two days, she apologizes to Edie with hopes that Edie will tell Dave, and magically, her cat is back home the same day. Finally, Mrs. McCluskey goes to Katherine to ask her help in digging up dirt on Dave, the Kitty Kidnapper.


-John Kubicek, BuddyTV Senior Writer
(Image courtesy of ABC)