It's time for another double elimination week on Dancing with the Stars, and with only seven couples remaining, no one is safe.  Will Michael Irvin finally be ousted?  Will Aaron Carter avoid the bottom?  Will Derek Hough and Joanna Krupa top their almost pornographic Mambo moves?

Live, from Hollywood, this is Dancing with the Stars!  

Before the competition begins, we get a way-too-long exhibition of team dancing from the pros.  Seriously?  I miss the days when Dancing with the Stars was only 90 minutes followed by Samantha Who?

DWTS Fashion Report: Is it just me, or does Aaron Carter look more and more like Spencer Pratt every week?  Mark Dacascos has decided to take on a sheer shirt and Louis van Amstel is wearing the most absurd blue pants ever.  Thank you, Kelly Osbourne, because the stars designed the costumes for this week.


Michael Irvin and Anna Demidova - Foxtrot

Elegant and graceful aren't two words I associate with Michael, but Anna encourages him to use his touchdown dance and think of it as Broadway.  He dances with the world's biggest smile and he's perfectly enjoyable, but his moves are still stiff and wooden, and at this point in the competition, we need to dump him.  There's a huge difference between being good for Michael and being good overall, and he's nowhere near good overall.

Costume Analysis: I like the dark purple on the light lavender matching suit and dress.  Irvin could totally have a future in fashion.  He claims his inspiration was Barney, the dinosaur.

Judges' Scores: 8+8+7=23

Yikes, that's high enough that with a huge fan vote, he might miraculously survive again.


Donny Osmond and Kym Johnson - Quickstep

 It's either senioritis or arthritis, but Donny has trouble with all the complicated, small and fast steps.  As always, it's fun and effortless.  The man is a revelation every week, keeping up with all the young whippersnappers and coming across as suave and debonair.  His long jacket reminds me of Captain Jack from Torchwood.  According to the judges, there were lots of errors, but since I'm no Quickstep expert, he covered them well enough that I missed it.

Costume Analysis: Donny shredded Kym's dress like Freddy Krueger, which does NOT work.

Judges Scores: 8+8+8=24

Ha, even with a bunch of mistakes, it's still better than Michael Irvin.


Mark Dacascos and Anna Trebunskaya - Samba

Mark tapes Iron Chef America and when he's done, Lacey is sick as a dog, so Tony Dovolani shows up to teach him some choreography.  When he flies back to L.A., he meets his new partner, Anna, and she gives him all new choreography.  Poor Mark.  The dance is funky and sexy, but the clear problem is the total lack of chemistry.  This dance needed chemistry, and they had none of it.  Unfortunately, it was a mess, and it's all due to circumstances, but it doesn't change the crappy dance.

Costume Analysis: I like her outfit with a weird green scarf draped down the whole thing.  But his sheer shirt is still distracting.

Judges' Scores: 6+7+6=19

Ugh, Mark is DEFINITELY going home with that score, and it's unfair because he and Lacey were just starting to do well.


Mya and Dmitry Chaplin - Foxtrot

They're going back to a classy and elegant dance to win over Len Goodman, hopefully.  Dmitry brings in Cloris Leachman because she's old enough to remember when the Foxtrot was first created.  Cloris tells a story about Gene Kelly and Fred Astaire, but sadly, it's not nearly as filthy as it should be.  These two are as glamorous as any '50s movie star.  As always, Len Goodman is a grumpy old man who doesn't like when they add frills to the traditional Foxtrot.  Carrie Ann Inaba says that Len is officially smoking crack.

Costume Analysis: Mya looks beautiful, but personally, I don't like white suits on men.  She made Dmitry look like Ricky Ricardo.

Judges' Scores: 9+7+9=25

Oh Len, you hate Mya and Dmitry so much.  Even Tom Bergeron points out that Len will only give these two a good score when Hell freezes over.


Aaron Carter and Karina Smirnoff - Jive

To rehearse, Karina has Aaron do a bunch of athletic sports drills to improve his footwork, but I'm too distracted by this giant wifebeater he's wearing.  The dance is very upbeat and fun, and technically, it's outstanding.  But I'm distracted by the fact that they look so young, like two background dancers from Hairspray.

Costume Analysis: Aaron's maroon jacket doesn't go with anything, and Karina looks like a piece of cotton candy.  Basically, it's like a 7-year-old boy just raided his daddy's closet, if his daddy was Hugh Hefner.

Judges Scores: 9+10+10=29

Holy crap, Len is going to give his first 10 of the season to Aaron?  He is soo not on the same page as America.  As of now, Donny and Aaron have 29s, while Mya doesn't.  That's ridiculous.


Kelly Osbourne and Louis van Amstel - Salsa

Kelly essentially has a nervous breakdown during the rehearsal because Louis tries to play the task master to get them out of the bottom.  Their dance is pretty good, though it would be a lot better if Kelly didn't look like she wanted to beat the crap out of Louis in every moment.  Bruno Tonioli jumps on the table and goes nuts.

Costume Analysis: Kelly decided to put Louis in the most absurd jangling blue pants ever.  No, no, no!

Judges Scores: 8+8+8=24

Meh, they've stalled, no matter how much praise they get.  Goodbye, you two.


Joanna Krupa and Derek Hough - Rumba

The Rumba is all about sex, so, in spite of what I thought, these two ARE able to be even more pornographic than last week's Mambo bobbing action.  Derek is goofy when he tries to romance her, but he has a fantasy that's actually just a porno film where they have a day on the beach.  That ends with Derek waking up and making out with his own reflection in the mirror.

The dance itself is slow and sexy and beautiful.  It's the hottest thing ever, and these two are sex on the dance floor.  The only problem is that Joanna trips ever-so-slightly in her costume near the end, but other than that, it was perfect.

Costume Analysis: Joanna was smart to keep the costumes simple in white.

Judges' Scores: 9+9+9=27

I suppose that one slip-up cost her, but it was still amazing.


Team Paso Doble

Mya and Dmitry, Aaron and Karina, Mark and Anna T., Michael and Anna D.

Rehearsal is as chaotic as you'd expect with too many chefs in the kitchen, but the calm, dulcet tones of Michael Irvin help cooler heads prevail.  Of course, the last-minute Lacey-Anna switcheroo throws everyone a bit off.

The team part is just OK, although there is one clear problem.  A giant wooden black man stands out like a sore thumb next to three skinny white dudes.  Individually, however, they are all solid, and even Michael Irvin is very good at this one style.  If there's one huge flaw, it's that Aaron Carter should never be allowed to dance with an open shirt.  Sorry, but the dude has a freakishly hairless body that scares me.

Judges' Scores: 8+8+8=24


Team Tango

Joanna and Derek, Donny and Kym, Kelly and Louis

This is actually Team Personality, because for me, Donny, Kelly and Derek are the three most likable people this season.  The pros choreograph a fun routine based on all the ladies wanting Donny, which is perfect.

And that's just what the dance is.  First, they do it to Bon Jovi, and as a Jersey boy, that alone earns a 10 from me.  It's spicy, sexy and amazing.  These three teams work together flawlessly, and while Carrie Ann bitches about a Lift, there's no denying that these three nailed it.

Judges' Scores: 9+9+10=28

Yippee!  And with four additional points added to their solo scores, Team Tango winning by four points is just what Kelly needed.


Tomorrow night, it's a double elimination, and with the very different team scores, tomorrow seems pretty definite.  Mark Dacascos is four points behind the second lowest score, so he's definitely going to be eliminated.  Next, Michael and Mya are each three or more points behind the next lowest, so barring some huge voting anomaly, I'm guessing Michael and Mya will meet in the dance-off.  Now I know Len will probably vote to keep Michael because he's biased, but surely Bruno and Carrie Ann will let logic prevail and finally send Michael home.

Also, we get a performance by the Ballas Hough Band!  Mark and Derek, singing!


Predict who you think will go home by playing Dancing with the Stars Fantasy TV!



-John Kubicek, BuddyTV Senior Writer
(Image courtesy of ABC)