Safe
1. Nicole and Derek (That tango surely earned them safety, despite some fans' anger that Nicole may be overqualified.)
2. Evan and Anna
3. Erin and Maksim

Shaky
4. Chad and Cheryl
5. Pamela and Damian

Should be Packing
6. Jake and Chelsie
7. Niecy and Louis
8. Kate and Tony (Tonight's deservedly eliminated couple ... in my dreams!)

Will your predictions pan out? It's time to find out! Watch and wait along with me as we listen to the smooth vocals of Maxwell, enjoy a guest performance by Debbi Allen and watch a special tribute to dance movies during tonight's DWTS Results Show ... Liiiiiiive!

RESULTS

Nicole Scherzinger and Derek Hough are ... SAFE.

Kate Gosselin and Tony Dovolani are ... in the BOTTOM TWO. (YESSSS! And I mean that in a strictly technical, not personal, sense. Feel free to bash her all you want in the comments, but I'm trying to be professional.)

Encore, Encore!
Len and Carrie Ann would love to see that fun cha-cha-cha once again, while Bruno just wants another view of Jake's milky white thighs. You can tell that without the threat of low marks looming over him, Jake can be a looser, more relaxed dancer. He's now exposed in more ways than one! And there's Vienna, cheering him on.

Maxwell Performs "Fistful of Tears"
It's like the DWTS producers are just trying to rub it in the faces of the regular Dancing band singers! ("Look, listen, learn. But mostly ... LISTEN! THIS is what great vocals sound like! No cracked voices or sharp solos!")
 
RESULTS

Chad Ochocinco and Cheryl Burke are ... still in jeopardy. We'll learn their fate later.

Niecy Nash and Louis van Amstel are ... SAFE.

Brooke asks Kate about being in the bottom two, and she says "I'm giving my best, and I am having fun, contrary to popular belief."

Adam Corolla Sticks it to the Stars
"My favorite dance of the night was Kate Gosselin. Now let's watch it again in regular speed. Wait ... that wasn't slo-mo? Dear God."

Macy's Stars of Dance Performance: Movie Dance Tribute
We've got Fred Astaire and Puttin' on the Ritz:

Saturday Night Fever:

Austin Powers:

And, last but not least, Debi Allen and Fame!

Debi Nova performs "Drummer Boy" while the sexy men of DWTS (Dmitry, Derek, Tony and Damian) entice her with their shirtless glory.

Next Week: The stars will participate in the first-ever Swing Dance Challenge, and will also design the costumes for themselves and their partners. Be afraid, be very afraid. Especially Cheryl, for whom Chad is designing a see-through lacey number. (Color me shocked.)

"I wonder if it would be hard to design an outfit out of chocolate." - Niecy
"Armani has nothing on Ochocinco couture." - Chad

RESULTS

Evan Lysacek and Anna Trebunskaya are ... SAFE.

Jake Pavelka and Chelsie Hightower are ... still in jeopardy.

Erin Andrews and Maksim Chmerkovskiy are ... SAFE. (And Maks is HAPPY--jumping all over the place happy--about it!)

Pamela Anderson and Damian Whitewood are ... still in jeopardy.

FINAL RESULTS

Who will join Kate and Tony in the Bottom Two? It's ...

... NOT Jake and Chelsie. They're safe! And should be. That cha-cha was charming.

... and it's NOT Chad and Cheryl! They're safe, too.

Which means Pamela and Damian are in the Bottom Two with Kate and Tony.

Who's Going Home?
Kate and Tony.

In the words of David After Dentist: "Is this real life? Is this going to be forever?"

Yes! IT IS! Justice prevails, and Tony has been freed!

Tony gives Kate props for showing up and giving her best every week despite criticism. He's very proud. (And will go home and celebrate later.) She's fighting back tears as she says, "I'm very, very honored to have been here." Whether you love her, hate her or just plain didn't want to watch her attempt to dance any longer, it's a sweet moment to behold, watching someone who's usually so hard-mouthed and stoic let her emotions boil over and show that she really did learn something from this experience.

What do you think, DWTS nation? Did America get it right this time? Are you happy to see Kate go? I bet I know the answers, but still, feel free to express your joy however you wish down there in the comments. I, for one, am glad to see that skills prevailed over scandal, though a tiny part of me will miss the trainwreck comic relief aspect of her dancing, if only for the fun metaphors she inspired. Who am I going to accuse of dancing like a robot/cardboard cut-out/drunk mom on a cruiseship NOW?

(Images courtesy of ABC)