'Dancing with the Stars' Live Recap: Week 5 Dances
'Dancing with the Stars' Live Recap: Week 5 Dances
Laurel Brown
Laurel Brown
Senior Writer, BuddyTV
It's your patriotic duty to watch Dancing with the Stars.

At least, I think that's the message that the DWTS producers want to get across in this Patriot's Day-themed week. Or maybe not. Maybe it's just a good gimmick to get people to watch more dancing. Either way, there are eight dancers left to fight for that ultimate in patriotic prizes, the Mirror Ball Trophy. Whose dances will win the hearts of America tonight? Let's find out.

It's still close, despite four weeks of dancing and eliminations behind us. Hines and Kym (94 points total) have the overall lead, but Ralph and Karina are not too far behind (at 91 points). Even the trailing couple, Kendra and Louis, aren't so far back (with 78 points) that they don't have a shot. It really could be anyone's competition.

Want to relive some of the past Dancing with the Stars excitement? It's easy with the BuddyTV week 4 recap.

Will the patriotic themes of this week's performances turn out to be a positive or a negative for the couples? Will it give a boost to the more American of the teams (half of the dancers still competing have now or in the past held foreign citizenship)?

Here we go!

Let me just apologize now for any eye-rolling-in-the-form-of-sarcastic-comments I may exhibit tonight. Overly earnest and bizarre theme nights do that to me. Please don't let it affect your enjoyment of this random expression of dancing patriotism.

Anyway, fireworks! Corny stars-and-stripes jokes! A shiny American flag! Ridiculous costumes!

Oh, and apparently the 1000th dance is at some point tonight. But first we get to see Ralph and Karina dance in cowboy costumes. Oh boy...

Ralph Macchio and Karina Smirnoff
Dancing the samba

Judges' Comments:
Len: "I'm not saying this was terrible ... but you're not consistent." "You've got to get hips, you've got to get rhythm."
Bruno: "The line dance and two-step was very, very good, but we're looking for a samba." "You do a character very, very well." "Give me sex, man!"
Carrie Ann: "Excuse me, you two, it's Americana week!" "I think that was a great, entertaining performance!"

My Comments: Well that started off a little like a line dance. But the samba is actually working in a weird way to this cowboy/"Sweet Home Alabama" theme. It seems to be danced pretty well too, which is impressive, since I was prepared to laugh hysterically at this one. Ralph Macchio is weirdly a convincing cowboy. I'm not entirely sure how many of these moves are traditional samba, but that was a lot of fun.

Scores: 8+7+7 = 22

Based on the judges' comments so far, the scores are going to be interesting tonight...

Chris Jericho and Cheryl Burke
Dancing the Viennese waltz

Judges' Comments:
Len: "It's so nice to see Cheryl showing off the Rocky Mountains there." "When you deserve an 8, I'll give you one. It was a little bit flat-footed."
Bruno: "Big, yet graceful. Strong, yet delicate of touch. Elegant, with a sweeping sense of romance. It was absolutely wonderful!"
Carrie Ann: "In some weird way, I feel like we've underestimated you."

My Comments: Can we just have Chris talk about dancing endlessly for the rest of the season? This commentary is extremely entertaining. And it's all military and stuff. Granted, you don't usually associate the military with a spinny dance. Chris' small steps kind of look odd, but he looks excellent when spinning around the dance floor. This isn't the most exciting dance. It's pretty though.

Scores: 9+8+9 = 26

I guess Len thought Chris deserved an 8.

Petra Nemcova and Dmitry Chaplin
Dancing the quickstep

Judges' Comments:
Len: "I think you coped very well with the speed of the music." "You've just got to work on little things."
Bruno: "You were like the golden goddess of speed! You have lines that would rival Ferrari, Mazeratti, Lamborghini -- put together!" (If those are spelled wrong, sorry. I do TV, not cars.)
Carrie Ann: "Tonight, I feel like you took a bit of a step back." "You guys got a little out of sync and it's noticeable in the quickstep."

My Comments: Ah, Elvis. There are some very entertaining interpretations of "American" in the dances this week. If Petra weren't so sweet, her earnestness would be annoying. As it is, awwww... OK, the dance. I'm not sure what to say about this dance. The dress is gorgeous, and they seem to be hitting their steps well. The dance does seem a little boxy and wooden for some reason. Maybe that's good for the quickstep? Or possibly I'm just reacting to the music choice. It was a pretty good dance, although not my favorite.

Scores: 7+7+8 = 22

Romeo and Chelsie Hightower
Dancing the foxtrot

Judges' Comments:
Len: "There's still bits and pieces that I'm not 100 percent happy with, but you're on the right road."
Bruno: "I've never seen a foxtrot so cheeky and so well-danced!"
Carrie Ann: "That was so cool and so sophisticated! You have your own unique style."

My Comments: Romeo's putting swagger into a foxtrot? Why am I not terribly surprised? Not that he can't pull off something like that when he tries. He does have the music going for him. Love this song. Of course, the costumes don't look very '60s at all. More like a '30s/'40s musical. I think this might be good, but I'm not getting into it. Maybe it's the contrast between Romeo in rehearsals and talking (arrogant, non-emotive) and dancing (cool and fun) that gets me.

Scores: 9+8+9 = 26

Wow. These scores seem familiar somehow...

Hines Ward and Kym Johnson
Dancing the rumba

Judges' Comments:
Len: "It has a naturalness about it. It's got an ease and an elegance that is charming. And I think maybe for me, that was your best dance so far."
Bruno: "Ease of move, musicality, and just the right amount of sensuality to make the ladies swoon!"
Carrie Ann: "Hines, you make it look so easy." "You have the best hip action I have seen in a long time."

My Comments: Hines can work the Karate Kid headband. The rehearsal footage looks awfully violent, especially for the rumba. The music is a little jarring (so doesn't fit a romantic rumba). But the dance is still somehow sexy. Hines is having the problem of not looking like he does a lot while Kym spins all over the place, but they look great doing it.

Scores: 9+9+9 = 27

Great scores tonight! Pretty darned impressive.

Kirstie Alley and Maksim Chmerkovskiy
Dancing the foxtrot

Judges' Comments:
Len: "It had attitude, there was lots of basic steps... It wasn't my cup of tea."
Bruno: "The American woman and the Russian gigolo!"
Carrie Ann: "It was bold, it was ambitious, it was a little borderline crazy." "I think it was your best dance ever!"

My Comments: Seriously, "American Woman?" The patriotism of the night is vaguely confusing. And now John Travolta is on my screen. Yes, it's ridiculous. But I'm laughing. That may sum up how I feel about Kirstie Alley too. And Maks has stripped! Yay! I love this dance! It's awesome! The best! Woo!!! Seriously, though, the dance. Kirstie looks a bit apprehensive, but they seem to be hitting their steps without too much trouble. I'm not entirely sure that that was all foxtrot, but it was still an entertaining dance. Plus, semi-naked Maks!!!

Scores: 8+7+8 = 23

Kendra Wilkinson and Louis Van Amstel
Dancing the foxtrot

Judges' Comments:
Len: "Good news, it's much better than last week!"
Bruno: "Cute, sweet as apple pie, and much more in character." "I can see you thinking it."
Carrie Ann: "This is the most confident I've ever seen you."

My Comments: Um, Kendra, get over it. And don't drop your "g"s when protesting feeling like trash. That doesn't help your cause. "Yankee Doodle" is about being proud? It's not a parody in response to a failed British offensive? Oh, hey, this is the 1000th dance! Streamers galore! Oh lord, Louis has a beard. With the costumes and the music, this kind of looks like something out of a musical. Actually, the dance looks pretty good (once you get past the waving flags). No clue if it's a foxtrot, but it's cute.

Scores: 8+7+7 = 22

Chelsea Kane and Mark Ballas
Dancing the samba

Judges' Comments:
Len: "Yum, yum, what a bum!" "This was real good fun!"
Bruno: "The best of both worlds! And you're so clean!"
Carrie Ann: "You guys dance so well together, you match your moves together perfectly."

My Comments: "Party in the USA" as a patriotic dance? Please excuse me while I go beat my head against something hard. Just because the word appears somewhere in the title, doesn't make it patriotic. Anyway... As always, Chelsea comes out looking like more of a dancer than anyone else. It's kind of a funky samba, but it looks like a lot of fun -- definitely getting the party theme. Chelsea is dancing way faster than most of the others. Another excellent dance, and I'm not just saying that because of the brain damage incurred when I heard the song choice.

Scores: 9+8+9 = 26

Seriously? That score again? I guess it's a good sign though!

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Who was the best dancer tonight? Did you find the music patriotic? Is Hines the frontrunner now, or are we still without one? Let us know your comments and opinions below!

(Image courtesy of ABC)