Crowned: Episode 1.5 "Smile Like You Mean It" Recap
Crowned: Episode 1.5 "Smile Like You Mean It" Recap
Previously on Crowned, the Sincere Sexy Reds couldn't handle the trust clinic, but they pulled out a victory in the elimination challenge. The Goal Getters failed to impress with their hula hoop routine, and they were de-sashed.

In the Crowned house, Rachelle and Mindy are very sad that Jill and Nicole were de-sashed, but the other clique, the Mean Girls, celebrate. The Goody Two Shoes girls all decide to band together and form an alliance. Naturally, the Mean Girls hear all of this conversation through the intercom.

The next morning, the pageant director Linnea tells the girls to bring their smiles to the rose courtyard. Patty looks really scary getting her makeup ready for the day. For this week's preliminary challenge, Keith Lewis, the executive director of Miss California and Miss Teen California, teaches the girls how to smile six different smiles: swimsuit smile, evening gown smile, “I've got a secret” smile, natural smile, interview smile and closing smile. This makes so much sense! I've always wondered why pageant hopefuls smile in such a weirdly robotic way.

For the challenge, each mother-daughter pair must stand on a rotating pedestal while the other teams take turns trying to break their composure. Tenia, Angela and Laura shower all of their enemies with insults. Angela and Tenia go so far as to insult Jenileigh and Moya for being poor. Hollis, Gina, Rachelle and Mindy decide just to say nice things to the other teams, but Jenileigh brings it and tells Laura that she doesn't treat her mother with respect. (Laura confessionals about how rude she thought Jenileigh was. Hm, pot calling the kettle black?)

Keith announces that Moya and Jenileigh are the winners of the smile challenge. They get to select a package that Linnea keeps insisting is beautifully wrapped but is really not. Jenileigh picks a big box, but there are only corsages inside. During this time, Mindy has to go to the hospital because she hurt her leg during last week's talent show. She finds out that she has a sprained knee and comes back home at the end of the day with crutches and pain meds.

The next day, Linnea tells the teams that for their elimination challenge this week, they must create, shoot and present a video log, or vlog, that shows why they each deserve to win. Laura insists on being the director for her vlog and gets really frustrated with her mother for forgetting lines. She even tells Patty to “shut the F up.” I'm not sure what my mother would do if I said that to her, but I'm sure it would involve a slap of some kind. Mindy is loopy on Vicodin, so Rachelle has to step in and do all the work. Angela and Tenia want to be a voice of awareness for HIV and other causes. Generally, it seems like all the teams are having trouble working together this week.

It is time for the de-sashing ceremony. Shanna Moakler introduces herself and the other Crowned co-judges, Carson Kressley and Cynthia Garrett.

The Blessed Beauties, Christan and Ada, go first. Their vlog is very sincere and cute, and Cynthia loves it, but Shanna and Carson aren't sure that it had enough of a message.

Beauty is Skin Deep, Angela and Tenia, are next. The judges unanimously love it because they had a message.

Brenda and Heather, the Goal Driven Gals, laugh at their own vlog, but it's met by crickets from the judges.

Patty and Laura's vlog is recited all in rhyming couplets, and Laura couldn't resist including her patented high soprano screech. While the judges give their critique, Patty answers all their questions, preventing Laura from getting a word in. Backstage, she bitches out her mother again for stealing her thunder. According to her, the judges weren't even addressing Patty in the first place, so how dare she open her mouth?

The Daredevil Divas, Jenileigh and Moya, are next. They tell their sob story about not having a home or a car, but the poor audio quality of the vlog is distracting. (They shot it outdoors in the middle of what sounds like the windstorm of this young century.) Shanna wants to make it clear that she doesn't want to give them the crown just because of the sympathy factor.

Rachelle and Mindy, the Gifted Dolls, are next. Their video is really cute and peppy, and one of my favorites, but the judges found it boring. Naturally, we get waterworks from Mindy backstage.

Next up, the Dream Girls, Hollis and Gina. Carson wants to puke up fluffy, pink cottonballs because their video is so damn cute. Cynthia wants to know more about them, so Gina explains that she wants to provide for her children and grandchildren and gets choked up in the process.

Cue threatening shots of the bejeweled scissors on the velvet pillow. The teams that are safe are Blessed Beauties, Daredevil Divas, Dream Gals and Gifted Dolls.

Beauty is Skin Deep, Sincere Sexy Reds and Goal Driven Gals must step forward. Shanna announces that Beauty is Skin Deep had the highest-scoring vlog. Angela immediately starts crying.

Of the two remaining teams, the Sincere Sexy Reds must pick up the bejeweled scissors. They must de-sash the Goal Driven Gals. Patty cracks me up because she thought she was going to have to de-sash her daughter, which I'm sure she would have relished. But instead, she starts crying because has to de-sash someone who doesn't constantly insult her.

-Debbie Chang, BuddyTV Staff Writer
(Image courtesy of The CW)