Crowned

Previously on Crowned: The Mother of All Pageants, two cliques started to form in the Crowned house. The swimsuit clinic saw the daughters in charge. The Tomboy Queens de-sashed The Realists. There are nine pairs left. Who will be de-sashed tonight?

Tonight's Crowned begins with a kind of annoying theme song. Am I off my rocker, or is this the first time they are using this song? The Goody-Two-Shoes clique make a tearful toast to Alana and Annette, while the Mean Girls clique party the night away.

Pageant director Linnea tells the girls to get dressed in evening gowns and to meet in 15 minutes. While they get dressed, Ada confessionals that she doesn't like her daughter Christan's voice. They bicker about their shoes.

Linnea introduces the teams to Nick, who will take them through their eveningwear clinic. He tells Rachelle that she looks cheap. Gina is too plain, and Pamela has to throw her shoes out. He tells Angela that she looks like she's been having sex for hours, based on the wrinkles in her dress.

Linnea announces that this week, mother's are in charge of all decision-making. They'll have 30 minutes to choose new evening gowns in the rose courtyard. Haven't we seen this exact same thing last week, but with swimsuits? As much as I loved this show when it premiered, I'm getting disappointed with the lazy editing and boring challenges.

Nick is shocked at Angela's dress and doesn't like the huge slit. He loves Christan's dress. Back in the living room, he gives the final verdict. The winners are Ada and Christan. I agree, they do look glam, but they barely showed anyone else's dresses, so I can't really tell if there are better dressed teams. They get to choose prizes from among the boxes wielded by the cabana boy, and they've chosen a full day at a spa.

The Mean Girls eavesdrop on the Goody-Two-Shoes Girls on the intercom and find out that they are being talked about, so they call a meeting. Angela gets in Gina's face about Hollis' potty mouth, which makes Gina yell over and over about Angela's crotch. The entire room erupts in yelling. Take a look at the clip.



The next morning, Angela perkily asks Hollis if she wants to curse her out again. Ooh, snap.

For this week's elimination competition, they'll have to shoot a team headshot. The mothers still get to make all the decisions about the photoshoot. They'll also be getting makeovers for the shoot.

All the teams file into the salon for their makeovers. The mothers tell the stylists what kind of looks they want for their daughters. Pamela wants her hair to be modeled after JLo.

Next stop is the photo studio. Mindy picks the background and the poses for her shot. Rachelle is not happy with any of her decisions. Gina breaks down crying in the middle of her shoot because she's so proud of her little girl, but she models through it. Tyra would be so proud. Patty again has a very vacant stare. Christan is starting to learn that there is more to her mother Ada than she normally gives her credit for.

It's time to go in front of the judges! Shanna Moakler, Carson Kressley and Cynthia Garrett introduce themselves once again. Shanna explains that they'll be critiquing them based on overall personal style, pose and picture composition and the mother's ability to best showcase their team.

Patty and Laura go first. Laura and the judges love the picture. Tenia however is not ecstatic with her picture. The judges don't like it either. Backstage, Tenia and Angela fight about the photo.

Heather thinks their picture really captured their true essences. Carson tells her and Brenda that they look like goddesses and no longer like Amish hookers.

The judges don't like Jenileigh and Moya's photo, because there are too many arms and limbs and heavy makeup. Hollis gets teary upon seeing her and Gina's photo. The judges love it also.

Nicole and Jill's photo also gets praise for their lovely symmetry. Now it's Ada and Christan's turn. They changed their names from Hot & Not to Blessed Beauties. They've got a really nice photo, seated on a couch with a plant behind them. The judges rave over their completely changed presentations since the first week.

Pamela and Felicia are next. Felicia looks really cute on stage, but she looks kind of severe in the picture. The judges aren't impressed with the picture.

Mindy and Rachelle's photo elicits a great big "Oh no!" from Cynthia. Uh oh, this means more waterworks from Mindy. This seems like an upside-down mother-daughter relationship right here. Rachelle is constantly reassuring Mindy and telling her not to cry.

It is finally time to begin the third de-sashing ceremony. Cue shots of the bejeweled scissors. Sincere Sexy Redheads, Goal Driven Gals, Dream Gals, Goal Getters, Beauty is Skin Deep, Daredevil Divas are all safe. Golly, I still can't keep these team names straight.

The Gifted Dolls (Mindy and Rachelle), Blessed Beauties (Ada and Christan) and the Tomboy Queens (Pamela and Felicia) are asked to step forward. Shanna and the judges announce that the Blessed Beauties scored the highest in the challenge.

So, now it's down to the Gifted Dolls and the Tomboy Queens. The Tomboy Queens must pick up the bejeweled scissors. And in a shocking turn of events, they must de-sash themselves! Again with the crying and the maudlin violin mewling! Good-bye, Tomboy Queens! I hope they at least got to eat a cupcake or two while they were here.


-Debbie Chang, BuddyTV Staff Writer
(Image and video courtesy of The CW)