Since the final leg of his Bachelor journey
ended in tears and a tense reconciliation between the Bachelor and his bride-to-be Courtney on Monday, Ben Flajnik has stayed relatively quiet -- except to share thoughts like "no more reality TV for me"
But Ben did turn in one last blog post to People.com
in which he once again defends his engagement amongst "all the speculation and hate." Not your typical post-finale, post-engagement, "I found the love of my life!" blog we've come to expect at the end of the season. But it's hard to blame Ben for feeling down at the time when most Bachelor
stars are smiling and shouting about their love from the rooftops. The overwhelming public negativity about Ben, his season, his choice and his fiancee have clearly gotten to him, and overshadowed the happiness he feels to finally have his engagement out in the open.
"Boy, it has been a long time coming, and I am so happy it's all
over. It has been a rough road, full of ups and downs, scrutiny and
negativity," he writes. "People don't know what it's like to go
through an experience like this, and until they have been a contestant -
or the person in the driver's seat - I say, "Take it easy, because you
aren't speaking from personal experience.'"
speaking from personal experience -- but admits that even he had doubts about proposing to Courtney when watching the season back on television.
"I wouldn't have done anything differently, but I was scared that maybe I
didn't know her as well as I thought I did. I found myself shocked at
some of the comments she made," he writes. "At one point the pressure became too much and I told her I needed a break. Courtney was cool enough to allow me time to clear my head. I became
worried about staying in a relationship that had so much negativity
surrounding it, so I eventually called off the engagement and we broke
On the After the Final Rose special
, Courtney seemed confused as to whether she and Ben were officially back together yet, but Ben says the breakup didn't last long. "The love I feel for her,
love that I couldn't deny even amidst all the bad press and lack of
pubic support, brought me back to her."
Ben maintains that the Courtney we saw on television is just one side of his wife-to-be. "She truly is a caring, nurturing woman who is so thoughtful and kind.
Unfortunately, America only got to see one side of her, but I know she loves me in a way that I want to be loved."
Still, the ultimate irony that plagues every Bachelor
relationship -- that watching the TV show that brought them together often tears them apart -- has hit Ben and Courtney extra hard. Ben writes of their newly public relationship as though they've survived some sort of tragedy: "We both understand that it is going to be a long road to recovery. We
are confident in our love and realize that we are going to take it slow
and work on our relationship for the foreseeable future. The fact of the
matter is, we are really good together. We have always been really good together; it was everything surrounding us that was a mess."
And speaking of messes ... public opinion may not have swayed Ben on his choice in fiancees, but it seems we finally got through to him on one
"Aside from having hair that looked like a water buffalo, the day I proposed was an exciting day. This damn hair. Maybe it is time for a cut."(Image courtesy of ABC)