Kevin Hart hypes the heck out of tonight's
Celebrity Rap Superstar. The celebrities will perform songs of their own mentors, votes will be revealed, and the whole game will change. Does he mean the votes will actually determine who gets eliminated?
Somehow, despite the fact that there are now fewer performers,
Celebrity Rap Superstar is in rush mode, because they go straight to the first performance. My gut still hurts from laughing at tonight's season premiere of
The Office. If you didn't watch it, shame on you. Speaking of which, there's a hilarious Nike commercial featuring
Rainn Wilson as a PR man for the U.S. soccer team that you need to see, stat.
Sebastian Bach, with Kurupt
Kurupt is playing
Pimp My Celebrity, trying to strip Sebastian of his rock attire. They perform "Doggy Dogg World." You want proof this show is live? The censors are a bit late, and Sebastian totally drops the F-bomb, entirely unbleeped. Anyone want to place bets on how long before the FCC lays the smackdown on MTV? The performance, as all of Bach's, is fantastic. The man is just a brilliant singer. He's done rock with Skid Row, rap on
Celebrity Rap Superstar, he starred on Broadway in
Jekyll & Hyde and he acted on
Gilmore Girls. The judges say stuff, but I'm still kind of in awe that the F-bomb was used on MTV at 10pm.
Kendra Wilkinson, with Too Short
They're singing his "Blow the Whistle." They're dancing something called Hyphy, which is apparently some West Coast dance craze prominent in the San Francisco Bay Area. I'm a Jersey boy, so all I know is how to dance in the dark with David Arquette's wife. The performance is fine, but Kendra hardly sings at all, probably for the best. Kevin Hart, never one to shy away from innuendo, thanks Kendra for "blowing all our whistles." At this point, I think the show has said, "FCC be damned, we're going for it." If the Parent's Television Council is watching, this show may not get to come back next week.
Shar Jackson, with MC Lyte
They perform "Ruffneck," and if you just stumbled onto this channel and didn't know who Shar Jackson was, you might think she's just another lady rapper. Yes, she's that good, that comfortable and gangsta on stage, and much as I love Sebastian and Perez, Shar really does deserve the title. The judges agree. Shar's daughter is in the audience, wearing a "Vote for Shar" t-shirt.
Perez Hilton, with Tone Loc
Perez claims the performance will be "crazy bananas, a milkshake." I was kind of hoping it would be banoodles (ha, bet you thought I forgot about that). Or, to continue
The Office trend, "This rap is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S This rap is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S!" Perez is wearing a t-shirt that says "I got knocked up by Jenny Owen Youngs." He goes all drama queen over some miscommunication about his ideas for the performance of, what else, "Funky Cold Medina." There's plenty of pronoun confusion, because Tone is talking about ladies, while Perez sings about putting it in your drink "so the boys will come real fast." It's OK, but his personality is better than his singing. The judges basically make a series of gay jokes, and Perez is all too happy to oblige. He's the big pink elephant in the room.
They've been promoting a big, show-changing announcement all night, and I suspect it has something to do with the fact that
Countess Vaughn, the fifth finalist, doesn't appear to be in the house. It turns out I'm right. Countess was supposed to perform "Regulate" with
Warren G, but her voice became too hoarse and the doctor's said she can't sing for two weeks. As such, Countess is being eliminated and the other four are safe, thus negating everything that happened last week and all your votes. It's a lot like the 2000 presidential election that way.
Just for funsies, Kevin Hart reads the rankings from last week's vote. Shar was third, Sebastian was fourth, and Kendra was first (again). Countess finished second, so Perez was in dead last, for the second week in a row. But thanks to crazy rule changes and Countess' illness, the man who has received the fewest votes for two straight weeks is still in the competition. If only
American Idol worked that way. Next week is speed rapping on
Celebrity Rap Superstar. Hopefully the censors will be napping again so we can get some more F-bombs.
-John Kubicek, BuddyTV Senior Writer
(Image courtesy of MTV)