Jamal Anderson and Efren Ramirez are now gone, so it's just two more not-very-good contestants left, and four who have all shown a glimmer of potential.  Thursday night means someone is about to be voted off America's favorite reality show, and I'm not talking about Chicken.  It's Celebrity Rap Superstar!

There's a controversy brewing, as Shar Jackson got a redo last week because her rap mentor's mic messed up.  Perez Hilton is calling her out, as he would.  Tonight it's all live, and the Celebrity Rap Superstars are being paired up for some duets.  Yet another awesome idea, and from the previews, it looks like we'll be getting some Perez and Kendra Wilkinson.  My prediction: awesome.

They've completely done away with the notion that viewers vote for who gets eliminated.  Last week's votes only determine the way in which the celebrities are paired up.  After the three duos perform, the judges pick the worst, and those two will go head-to-head, after which the judges pick who goes home.  I smell conspiracy, namely the fact that America was not voting the way the producers wanted it to go.

On the bright side, unlike American Idol, they will reveal the complete rankings of the celebrities.  Team number one is Shar Jackson and Sebastian Bach.  Shar finished in third and Sebastian is in fourth.  Countess Vaughn and Jason Wahler are the next team.  Perfect - they're gonna be the worst, then the judges can finally kick Jason's butt back to The Hills.  Countess is fifth and Jason is second.  Yes, that's right, this guy who can't rap or dance worth a damn has the second highest number of votes from people at home.

Now I'm fine with the rule changes, since this is clearly the only way to bust him.  Perez and Kendra are the final team, first and last.  Defying all logic, Kendra was the top, causing Hef to slip away from the Grim Reaper's claws long enough to applaud.  Perez, who has worked his butt off, composed wickedly clever rhymes and has been a source of greatness this whole time, received the fewest number of votes.  So let me get this straight: the two absolute worst performers are the top two?  I demand a recount!


Shar Jackson and Sebastian Bach, with MC Lyte and Kurupt

They get "It's Tricky" by Run DMC.  Great choice, and the two best vocalists are gonna rock it.  Shar is gonna "bring it harder than we ever brought it."  The part of me that loves Eliza Dushku movies smiles.  They blend beautifully, and Sebastian's rock and Shar's rap mesh in perfect unison.  Performances like this make me love watching this show.  DMC, who knows a little bit about this song, says they murdered it.  Big Boy says they killed it.  Da Brat refuses to complete the death trilogy by just repeating that they killed it.  She also says their chemistry was "banoodles."  Either I'm really white, or she just made up a new word, but either way I plan on appropriating it into my daily lexicon immediately before it becomes the new izzle.


Countess Vaughn and Jason Wahler, with Warren G and Bubba Sparxxx

We see the drama as Jason doesn't even show up for the first meeting and rehearsal.  When Bubba walks in, Countess sighs a sigh that secretly says, "Aw hell to the no, I got paired with this dead weight."   Countess calls Jason "the weakest link," then he blames it all on his cell phone battery dying.  The producers, clearly not believing him, pump in the "wah wah" trumpet.  She prays the judges have sympathy for her as they perform "Nothin' But a G Thang" by Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg.  Countess tries her best to take the lead, and she occasionally even walks away from him in disgust during the choreography.  My heart goes out to this sweet girl, because she obviously wants to take this seriously while Jason has learned he can goof off and do nothing and still the people will vote him through.  The judges don't even try to hide their contempt for Jason, and it's all set-up for them to backdoor him later.  DMC is more stoned than usual, because he claims to see something inside Jason.  Maybe a tapeworm or some stripper's tongue, but that's about it.


During the commercials, there's a preview for A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila, in which the bisexual MySpace queen plays the role of The Bachelorette to 16 lesbians and 16 straight guys.  It could be the greatest thing I've ever seen, the promised land of television.


Perez Hilton and Kendra Wilkinson, with Tone Loc and Too Short

The brilliance of this pairing is that both are clowns and love playing to the audience.  Perez takes the lead, suggesting Kendra pretend she's covered in honey and wants the audience to lick her.  The rap mentors step aside and let Perez direct the whole thing, which sounds right.  He gets it and knows exactly how best to use Kendra.  They get "Push It" by Salt 'n' Pepa.  In some ways, it's the best yet.  While it's not perfect vocally, the performance is out of this world.  Lots of booty shakes and butt slapping, and even an appearance by a water gun.  Also, I'm pretty sure their outfits are taken directly from Ryan and Sharpay Evans in High School Musical.  Perez' fantastic gift for performance has helped make Kendra better than she's ever been, and likely ever will be in this competition. 


The judges, as predicted, put Countess and Jason in the bottom.  Here's the problem with changing the voting rules: the whole show is telegraphed from the moment the teams were announced.  Of course Countess and Jason were going to be in the bottom and of course Jason is getting the boot, because he doesn't want to be there, the judges don't want him there, and changing the rules is the only way t get rid of him.  I love Celebrity Rap Superstar, but the rules are totally banoodles.

The contestants were all given the lyrics to Lil' Mo's song "Can't Let You Go."  They each perform one verse and chorus with Lil' Mo, then the judges eliminate Jason...I mean, vote out their least favorite.  The four winners all predict Countess in a trounce, though Kendra pipes in with "I love Jason" at the end.  Countess and Lil' Mo do it up like the duet was written for them.  Jason mumbles a bunch of words that may or not be correct, then he just kind of gives up and even admits "Countess, you own this one."  Then Lil' Mo asks him to do the robot and he even fails at that.  It almost redeems him in my eyes, because he's aware enough to know he's going, and he just kind of wants it to be over so he can hit the bars and mack on some chicks, I assume.  At least he'll be going to something where he will probably succeed.

The judges go through the motions, then they drop the axe and Jason Wahler is done.  He's no Celebrity Rap Superstar, but the votes prove that he has more than enough fans to boost his confidence when he heads out to the clubs and plays the role of a poor man's Colin Farrell.  He willingly admits in his farewell package that he thought this whole show was a joke, which I kind of did when I first heard about it as well.  But now, much like when Sanjaya got voted off, it's time for the show to actually begin.  See you back here next week, same banoodle time, same banoodle channel.


-John Kubicek, BuddyTV Senior Writer
(Image courtesy of MTV)