The MTV Video Music Awards celebrated their 25th anniversary last night with a stale and generally boring awards show. At this point, it's hard to expect more. Glancing around the internets, the media has seized on one VMA-centric story on this fine Monday morning – the triumphant return of Britney Spears. The world is ecstatic, apparently, that Britney is back. She's back – what exactly does this mean? She won a few dubious awards last night for a video I didn't know existed. She opened the show by reading a teleprompter. Unless I fell into a coma halfway through the show, that was just about it for Britney Spears at the VMAs. Since when does this constitute a triumphant return? Since when did simply displaying the ability to speak in public without embarrassing yourself become a feat worthy of celebration? I'm glad Ms. Spears is lucid, but this is all a bit sad, is it not?
Russell Brand, British comedian and co-star of
Forgetting Sarah Marshall, hosted the VMAs with his typical aloof English-ness, and did his best to infuse a little bit of edginess into the otherwise family-friendly affair. In his opening monologue, Brand urged America to vote for Barack Obama and made fun of the Jonas Brothers. Throughout the night, he made light of the Jonas's promise rings and chastity vows. Brand received a mixed response from the small crowd, many of the jokes flying over the head of the young audience, or simply falling flat due to their “adult” nature.
The VMAs were held at the CBS/Paramount backlots in Los Angeles, giving the musical acts a large playground to work with, which the Jonas Brothers, T.I., and Pink used to their full advantage. Rihanna opened the show with a vaguely Thriller-inspired performance. Lil' Wayne gave the audience snippets from a few of his bigger hits while showing off his poor pants-wearing ability. Paramore shouted through a song, and Kanye West ended the VMAs with a drama-free performance.
I think that is the phrase that will sum up this year's VMAs: drama free. It's not as much fun this way, all safe and cuddly. No one cares about winning a Video Music Award. The audience wants to see crazy stuff, they want to see controversy, they want the VMAs to represent what MTV used to represent – rebellion and counter-culture. But, now that MTV is high school to The Disney Channel's middle school, the VMAs are fun for the whole family. You can't even playfully make fun of promise rings and endorse fornication without Jordin Sparks taking you to task (She was upset with Brand's joke about the Jonas's promise rings, and said that promise rings are cool, because not every guy or girl wants to be a slut. Because that's right, Jordin – everyone who has pre-marital sex is a slut. If that's what kids are being taught these days, then it's time to move to Canada).
Anyways, besides the litany of mildly entertaining performances and pointless awards, there was little in the way of notable events. Michael Phelps and Kobe Bryant showed up, Phelps displaying a lack of a charisma that won't bode well next week when he hosts the season premiere of
Saturday Night Live. Demi Moore took the stage, and immediately became the oldest person in the room. Miley Cyrus introduced Pink. Slipknot and McLovin presented an award. Shia LeBeouf and Slash joined forces on stage, Shia weirdly looking like Slash's progeny.
The VMAs were a taut two and a half hours, which is exceptionally short for an awards show, but perhaps long for a show whose awards literally no one cares about. Britney's return will be what this year's show is remembered for (if it is remembered at all), and we can all be happy that she is no longer a national embarrassment and can now speak her native language fluently. Thanks for giving Britney the venue to show off these prodigious talents, MTV.
-Oscar Dahl, BuddyTV Senior Writer
(Image Courtesy of MTV)