'Bones' Recap: Max Risks Arrest to Retrieve a Precious Artifact
'Bones' Recap: Max Risks Arrest to Retrieve a Precious Artifact
Catherine Cabanela
Catherine Cabanela
Contributing Writer, BuddyTV

Bones is back with "The Putter in the Rough" which promises the return of one of my all-time favorite guest stars, the estimable Ryan O'Neal, reprising his role as a reformed (?) criminal and Mrs. B's prodigal father, Max Keenan. It's been hinted that Max may be dipping his toes back into the river of naughtiness and/or is making efforts to reveal everything that happened back when he and his wife Christine had to abandon Brennan and Russ as teens. Does this mean he's going to clear his name? Remember, Booth told Brennan that Max was the most honorable criminal he ever met, so maybe there's a lot more to that story than any of us suspected. Perhaps tonight we will find out.

The familial issue du jour in "The Putter in the Rough" is centered around Max reneging on a promise to spend time with Christine so he can go out of town for some secret reason. Brennan responds tersely and gives him no latitude whatsoever. Isn't she being a little hard on him? Well, not considering his caginess about the details of his mysterious trip or the fact that he and Brennan's mom inexplicably abandoned her and Russ for nearly 20 years before finally returning to eat his share of crow. So, yeah, she has a right to be miffed. 

The Wendell Over-Wind

My boyfriend Wendell Bray is the squintern on deck and he's still in the throws of young romance with Andie the chemotherapy nurse. However, there may be rocky times ahead as he's just over-wound her grandmother's treasured antique clock and takes it for "cleaning" so he can get it fixed. 

Special Agent Becomes Super Spy

Booth tries to calm Brennan's fears about Max's suspicious behavior, but he ends up agreeing that her concern is justified. They have a quick, cute, convo in the SUV on the way to the crime scene and Booth offers to put a trace on Max. Brennan's all for it. Brennan suited up in her lab gear on the way to the crime scene with Booth reminds me of the good old days, btw.
Later, when Aubrey figures out what they are doing, Booth does not look proud of what they are doing and tells the younger agent to MYOB.

The Most Unsexy Male Muscles Ever

The crime scene is on an overhang at a parking structure. The King of the Lab is overjoyed at finally getting to use his rock climbing machinery. Then he ends up suspended and stuck on the side of the building. Good thing Angela is not there to chew him out. 

Scoring an eight on the disgusting scale, the retrieved victim has been picked clean of most of his skin and we can see the musculature underneath. Now, I am a woman who likes a firm bicep, but these vibrantly colored muscles and ligaments make me wish I hadn't had that second helping of mac and cheese before Bones came on. Yick. Adding to the yummy factor is disease-infested bird poop which is globbed all over the remains and eating away at the bones. The front of the face is also caved in and before we know it they figure out the guy's also been shot. Definitely a homicide. 

The Glamorous World of Mini Golf

The victim turns out to be mini golf pro Troy "Jack-Nicklaus-Wannabe" Carter who had dreams of leaving behind his brother's landscaping business to pursue mini golf full time. (What? Is that really a thing? I guess anything can be a thing these days, so why not mini golf?) 

Brennan and Booth visit Sammy's Tropical Tiki and are as astounded as we viewers are that there are people whose lives are centered around a sport that involves coaxing a tiny dimpled ball into Bozo's mouth. At Sammy's they witness golfer Eric "Anger-Management-Is-For-Pansies" Simms (Eric Allan Kramer, Good Luck Charlie) completely losing his cool and then attacking one of the course tiki god ornaments. 

Brennan and Booth interview Sammy and his blonde babe, Lori "Dancing-Phalanges" Tucker and learn that Carter was hoping to win the Mini Masters. I didn't hear anything else in that whole scene because I was still blushing over the way Booth smiled affectionately at Brennan after she recognized that Lori was a hand model. I think there was something about a disgruntled previous Masters winner named Winston Scruggs who might have something against Carter.

Pop Goes the Weasel

Hodgins is not only the King of the Lab, but also a clock enthusiast who offers to help Wendell with his broken antique clock dilemma. Before long, the clock is in the lab and Jack is unscrewing the back panel to get at the guts. For a moment, the tension seems to suggest that the two will find something extremely interesting inside the clock - like a couple of million dollars or maybe evidence of some crime Andie's grandmother has been hiding for a hundred years. All of a sudden, in Jack-in-the-Box style, the entire inner workings of the clock jump right out of the clock to fly all over his face. ("Dude, you are so screwed," I'm thinking as I howl in surprise and delight over their predicament.) 

Brennan Gets One in the Hole

Scruggs has schematics about the physics of the mini golf course shots. It's the same as Booth found in the victim's belongings. Brennan is impressed with them and takes the golf thingy bat stick club and follows the schematic, making a hole in one. (Brennan is Wonder Woman and we love her for it.) As Booth puts the nails to Scruggs, Brennan finds blood, bone fragments and brains all over the inside of a tiki hut. Brennan wants to take the tiki hut back to the lab to fully examine. (Or is it because it would be fun to have a tiki hut in the lab? I think equal parts of both.)

Mad Max Still in the Middle 

Booth tracks Max to Ohio then loses him, suspecting that Max was wise to the bug his son-in-law had put on him. Before long, the Ohio police arrest Max for digging up the grave of one of FBI's ten most wanted criminals, Marvin Barlow. He explains to a distraught Brennan that he had to confirm that Barlow was buried in that grave. (Remember, the Brennans lived in Ohio when Max and Christine disappeared. Was this part of Max's old criminal gang?) Brennan leaves the discussion in a huff after cutting Max off from Christine as I beg Ryan O'Neal's image to please come clean with his daughter because she has been through enough already.

Carter Couldn't Keep His Putter in His Pants

Eric "Anger-Management-Is-For-Pansies" Simms, the dude who beat up a tiki god at the mini course, found out his daughter Darla was hot and heavy with Carter, but he swears he didn't kill the guy. Wounds to the remains reveal that Carter had had the stuffing beat out of him ten days before he died. Who did it? His failing landscaping business partner and brother, Jake Carter. Jake found baby bro bumping the uglies with Darla like the idiot he was, so he attacked him. 

Looking at papers.jpg
Scary Freaky Triple Bullet Weapon

Wendell finds three more bullet wounds on the bones that correspond to the three bullet holes found inside the tiki hut. Here comes the disturbing part and I hope the Bones Fairies just made this part up. Booth recognizes the markings of a multi-impact bullet he's recently heard about at FBI headquarters. This gun deploys a projectile that breaks into three parts connected by kevlar strands. After the killer shot Carter, he pulled on those kevlar strands and retrieved the bullets. Gawd. Sick bastard. 

Aubrey discovers that Carter had designs on leaving Sammy's Tropical Tiki to seek his fortune outside the country. Surveillance video shows Sammy buying that sick triple ammunition, so Sammy is looking pretty dang guilty right now. They drag his sorry butt into the interrogation room for a little sit-down.

Pole-Dancing Special Agent Seeley Booth

Okay, I wouldn't mention this except that every single thing put into a television show is for a purpose, right? So, on the way to Sammy's interrogation, Booth does a little pole-dancing act up against the edge of a glass door in the hallway. Hey, we've all been there --  an insatiable itch and no scratcher in sight. I can't wait to find out what that little piece of entertainment is going to manifest itself into by the end of the episode. 

(Note: I found Booth's back scratcher! It's over on the Backstrom lot, but Backstrom doesn't use it on his back, my friends. Since this is a family show, I won't say where he does use it. You'll have to go watch Hart Hanson's other creation and then read our Backsrom recap.)

Sammy is Innocent, but His Wife Is Stupider Than She Looks

It turns out that Sammy Tucker and Carter were planning their trip to Africa together. Sammy has the receipts to prove their plans were solid. Tucker is free to go. However, traces of red fingernail polish and a piece of Lori Tucker's finger nail are found embedded in Carter's bone. Why did she do it? In lifestyle-defense. That's like self-defense, except that the killer is in no physical danger and, well, it's really just murder. Cuff the lady, boys. Now to wrap up the Max storyline ... 

Max Keenan's Proof of Life

Booth brings Max home to The Mighty Hut 2.0 to surprise Brennan. She's having nothing of it, but Booth entreats her to give the old guy a chance. Max takes a ring out of his pocket and gives it to Brennan. She recognizes it as a ring she had and loved as a child, but then lost. He explains that she hadn't lost it at all; Barlow (the guy whose grave he'd dug up) had crept into the Brennan household in the middle of the night and taken that ring off her finger as she slept. Barlow then threatened Max the next day, saying he could kill his daughter anytime he wanted to. (But didn't we already know all of this? We hadn't heard these particular details before, but we'd learned about a hundred episodes ago that Max and Christine disappeared to divert their double-crossing fellow criminals from harming Russ and Brennan.)

I was hoping it would be something a little more dramatic, but I don't know what. Regardless, I could watch Ryan O'Neal as Max all day long. Tune in next week when the highly anticipated pregnancy and gambling relapse are front and center in "The Eye in the Sky."

(Wait a minute ... what was Booth's pole dancing all about? Gah!)

Bones airs Thursdays at 8pm on FOX.

(Images courtesy of FOX)