Best 'Big Brother After Dark' Ever: Ragan vs. the Neandertal
Best 'Big Brother After Dark' Ever: Ragan vs. the Neandertal
John Kubicek
John Kubicek
Senior Writer, BuddyTV
Showtime fans received a treat last night because, after more than a month of relatively dull conversations and pool tournaments, the proverbial feces finally hit the fan on Big Brother 12. There was an intense and rather hilarious fight between Brendon and Ragan that was several days in the making.

Step 1: Rachel's "Apology" Tour

Rachel seems to think that she can act like a crazy botch to everyone and then go around to apologize for her behavior, as if that makes it better. I guess learning from your mistakes isn't an option. Her latest victim was Ragan, who she finally trapped last night in the hammock with Britney after Ragan successfully avoided having to talk to her for several days.

The conversation was relatively short as Ragan tried to calmly explain to her why he's so over her and her annoying drama that just leads to huge fights with everyone because he just wants to relax, have a good time, and compete like crazy when they need to. Rachel quickly gets offended and offers a passive-aggressive "apology" for ruining his time in the house. She then storms off.

Step 2: Good Cop, Bad Cop

Rachel runs away to cry in the Diary Room, paving the way for Brendon to come in as the bad cop. Their strategy is painfully obvious to everyone: She plays the victim and he plays the bully who defends her honor. Brendon decides to confront Ragan and walks across the backyard to the hammock. It was one of those moments where everyone in the house thought to themselves, "Oh man, it's about to go down!"

Step 3: Defending Rachel's Honor

Brendon immediately accuses Ragan of saying something to upset Rachel, because there's no way she would be emotionally unbalanced without provocation. Ragan tries to explain that this is between him and Rachel and that Brendon doesn't know the facts of the conversation that just went down, so he should stay out of it. Brendon responds by calling Ragan a "f***ing douchebag."

Step 4: The Fight Ends with Laughter

In response, Ragan calls Brendon an "early man, a Neanderthal." Brendon then delivers an instant classic Big Brother line:

"First of all, it's pronounced 'neandertal.'"

This immediately ends the fight because, even though they're arguing very loudly, Ragan and Britney erupt in laughter over the sheer stupidity and douchiness of what Brendon just said.

Step 5: Britney Gets Involved

Britney gets up and walks away, doing an impression of Brendon's lumbering gait. He's a big guy, so it makes sense that he would follow her and try to physically intimidate a tiny little girl. She's mocking him and he responds by talking about all the girls that Britney's fiancé is having sex with outside the house right now. That's right, Mr. Knight in Shining Armor is a class act all the way who gets his jollies insulting the fidelity of Britney's husband-to-be.

Step 6: Neutral Corners

Brendon goes inside and waits for Rachel outside the Diary Room like a lost puppy, talking to the cameras and explaining his side of the story. Meanwhile, the rest of the house is outside laughing about what just happened.

This eventually turns into the third installment of "Just the Tip," the late night talk show featuring Hayden, Britney and Ragan where they analyze the events of the day. It was quite hysterical to watch their absurd jabs at Brenchel, such as Ragan's horrifying impression of Rachel's laugh and the surprising addition of Kathy calling Brendon a "piece of s***."

Step 7: Smug Self-Righteousness

No fight is complete without the "villains," Brendon and Rachel, enjoying a bottle of wine while smugly recounting the events and crowing about how morally superior they are, because they play this game with dignity and integrity and don't backstab people. I guess they've never seen a single episode of Big Brother if they think that integrity will win out of betrayal, or that moral indignation is the hallmark of the losers.

(Image courtesy of CBS)