Originally Aired Sunday, August 13, 2006
Episode Rating: * (one out of five stars)
Episode Overview: BIG BROTHER 7: ALL-STARS hits a low point with a poorly produced episode that sees the HouseGuests redo Thursday's Head of Household Competition.
Episode Highlights:
- Erika gets screwed when the BIG BROTHER producers decide to redo the Head of Household Competition.
- The HouseGuests make slop meals for some “surprise” judges.
- Janelle, in her typical female-hating fashion, nominates the last two ladies in the house.
Recap:
What a weird episode. CBS, I've got to admit, you guys are kind of blowing it these days. Remember last episode, on Thursday, when Erika won the Head of Household challenge? Well, it doesn't count. It turns out Howie didn't hit his buzzer hard enough and it didn't register, so the HouseGuests had to redo the competition. Guess who won? Who the producers wanted to win, of course: Janelle.
Now, this hardly seems fair. I know Howie was bitching, but who cares? It's not like Howie has the necessary brain power to win a memory-oriented challenge. To better tell the story of what's happened, Boogie acts as the producers' puppet throughout the ordeal, giving diplomatic explanations as to why the producers did what they did.
Regardless, what happened happened, and Janelle is the new Head of Household. Which, frankly, is going to make for better TV anyway. James discusses the nominations with Janelle, and he's really pushing her hard to put Marcellas up, but it doesn't look likely. Janelle, keeping up her female-hating ways, seems adamant that she must nominate Erika and Danielle. I can understand the need to nominate Danielle, but putting Erika up is silly. She is not a threat to anyone, everyone likes her, and she's not going to go after Janelle as hard as Marcellas would. But, Janelle hates girls. All of them.
So, we have this “Coup D'Etat”, a new “power” that allows a contestant to overthrow the Head of Household right before the eviction voting. To get the Coup power they must correctly guess a common BIG BROTHER phrase, to which they are given clues. After the last HoH challenge, the HouseGuests got their first clue in the form of a sheep (or, possibly a lamb). If CBS created the Coup d'Etat as a vessel to show America the collective stupidity of the BIG BROTHER 7 HouseGuests, then they've succeeded.
I used to think Danielle was somewhat intelligent, but after her guess of “Do Not Assume” as the Coup phrase, I may have to rethink that opinion. Her reasoning: the first clue was a sheep and there was a sheep that was cloned a while back and when you clone something DNA is involved and DNA can stand for “Do Not Assume”. Are you kidding me, Danielle? This is the sort of reasoning that Adam West's Batman would use back in the old TV show to catch the Penguin. George, somehow, surpasses Danielle's idiocy by guessing “You are expected to expect the unexpected.” Why? Because the sheep may actually be a ewe. You=Ewe. I am in awe.
BIG BROTHER continues to push a non-existent Will-Janelle relationship on us, as evidenced by the two of them participating in a sink shower. Will sprays Janelle with sink water. The masses rejoice.
Time for the food competition. The HouseGuests are given one hour to create seven separate dishes (one for each day of the week) that contain slop. The dishes will be sampled by three guest judges and given a score based on quality from one to five. If the combined score from the three judges is ten or better, the HouseGuests get food on that day. The guest judges are Nicole from BIG BROTHER 2, Jun from BIG BROTHER 4, and Marvin from BIG BROTHER 5. Every dish passes the the ten point barrier except for Danielle's poorly thought out “Slop Cakes”.
Embarrassing footage of Will, Boogie and Janelle frolicking under the outdoor shower. I have no idea what's going on.
Marcellas almost rescues the show singlehandedly by proclaiming that everyone has “something blond and ugly stuck in our craw”, while talking about Janelle. I laughed.
At the nomination ceremony, Janelle sticks to her word and nominates Danielle and Erika. She even says this gem of a phrase to Danielle, “If you're going to declare war on someone, you better finish the battle.” I'm pretty sure that doesn't make any sense.
Anyway, Danielle is the real target, but I have a feeling she'll find a way to stick around.
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-Oscar Dahl