'Bachelor Pad' Roundup: How Does Michael Love Holly? Let Us Count the Ways...
'Bachelor Pad' Roundup: How Does Michael Love Holly? Let Us Count the Ways...
Meghan Carlson
Meghan Carlson
Senior Writer, BuddyTV
Here are your latest Bachelor Pad updates, links and other odd bits:

"Vienna is a bit of a sadist." The relationship expert in this Good Morning America piece about Bachelor Pad is a bit of a bitch... and I LOVE IT. (Wait for the end of the video for an "exclusive" clip of Michael watching Blake kiss Holly in next week's episode. Sadism all around!)

Did you hear? Ben is going to be the next Bachelor. But please, hold off on organizing any sort of parade until the news gets a Dancing with the Stars announcement, which is ABC's version of an official seal of authenticity.

Yesterday, ABC released a bunch of photos of the Bachelor Padders kissing each other, and I named each kiss style based on the photo and who was kissing whom. This is my life; I've come to terms. But at least I haven't been in a kissing contest in, like, at least a year.

This writer at TV.com played a fun game where she pretended that Vienna and Jake took each other to court, and that she was the judge and issued a verdict in the case of Who Is Slightly Less The Worst! Unfortunately she left out the part where she was supposed to convict them both to life sentences of Never Being Talked About Again, with no chance of parole.

Wetpaint has an "insider" that says that Blake and Holly might get maaaaaarried!!!!!
Except probably not, the insider then essentially concluded. Oh, "insider." Sometimes it seems like you'll just say whatever.

"I'd really like to see that part of Bachelor Pad again when the underwater camera zoomed in on Jake Pavelka's junk, but I don't wanna hunt down that 5 second clip from the whole two hour episode! Who has the time?!" That's you. And guess what: Problem solved. You're welcome, weirdo!

Michael Stagliano is also a singer. And he recently put three songs on iTunes, one of which is called "Everything You Do," which he has said is about his ex-fiancee and fellow Padder Holly (she of the possible but not probable Blake engagement!). I listened to (the free preview portion of) the song, and this was my favorite part: "And being honest, you probably have ADD / And being honest, you've got bigger hands than me / And being honest, you should know what 9 times 5 is / And being honest, I wouldn't change a thing about you, your hands or IQ." Most romantic string of insults ever?

Chris Harrison Sez: "A makeout is the new handshake." This and more solid advice to take with you to your next job interview in his latest chat with TV Guide.

Remember that guy Mike who tried to woo Ashley Hebert with a guitar on the first night on The Bachelorette, but he couldn't actually play the guitar so he threw it in the pool? And then he got eliminated? No? Well, Jackie does. Take THAT, Ames!

Here's a sneak peek of next Monday's episode of Bachelor Pad, which will continue the insanely uncomfortable epic that is "Michael and Holly, Ex-Fiances and Super Best Friends":

Just a reminder: If you, like me, watched that clip and found yourself wondering, "WHEN WILL IT ENDDD?" ... the answer is September 12. At least, that's when Bachelor Pad ends. Now you know!

(Image courtesy of ABC)

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