Tonight on America's Next Top Model: The remaining 9 models are shipped aaaall the way from Los Angeles to Las Vegas for a Cirque du Soleil inspired photo shoot! (Get it? Because they are short little models. They basically make up their own freak show!)
But before we get to that, the girls must undergo their most difficult "modeling" challenge yet, given that it has very little to do with modeling: learn to dance with Benny Ninja and Lil Mama! This modeling teach is about expressing themselves through movement.
Modeling Challenge: The Semi-Annual Semi-Logical Benny Ninja TeachYou may recognize Lil Mama as one of the judges on
Randy Jackson Presents: America's Best Dance Crew, or as that weird chick who interrupted Jay-Z and Alicia Keys at the VMAs. I prefer to think of her as physical evidence that it's important to touch up your roots every 4 to 6 weeks:
But she's got nothing on Benny Ninja, who reminds me how great it is to turn on the light when I dress myself in the morning:
Who better to teach the girls how to express themselves without their smize? And by 'teach,' I mean outsource the deed to the poor contractually-obligated Best Dance Crew, the Jabbawockeez, who wear masks when they dance and are seriously, SERIOUSLY bad ass. No jokes necessary. If you don't know who they are,
rush over to the Youtubes and get to know their
siiiiick-ness.
The Jabbawockeez don't actually teach the girls how to dance, either. Instead, they intimidate the models with their mad skillz, and then Benny and Lil send the girls in three groups to choreograph their own dances to embody three emotions: happiness, sadness, and anger. The winning team gets $17,000 worth of jewelry... but we don't know from where. Maybe Claire's! And they'll bring it out in a tow truck. (I wish.)
Team 1: Jennifer, Rae, Kara
Team 2: Laura, Sundai, Brittany
Team 3: Erin, Ashley, Nicole
Team 1 is all confidence in their one-hour choreography session, while Ashley the dance instructor gets frustrated with Nicole, who admits that she "forgets things very easily." Like how to look like a waking human. You might think that, in a mask, Nicole could let loose and lose that awkwardness. You'd be wrong. In the dance mask Nicole just gets even creepier:
Team 1 does a pretty straight forward but impressively evocative dance (for an hour's worth of work), while Team 2 think they are mimes. Team 3 just confuses and creeps out Benny and Lil, so Team 1 is the clear winner, and they get to pick out some jewelry from some random jewelry designer whose name I didn't care enough to write down. HOORAY for them!
After the challenge, Ashley is a downy frowny :( and tells everyone she would have won if she had been dancing by herself.
The Photo Shoot:The girls get a creepy 4:30 AM video message from Jay telling them to pack their bags (actually, just 1 carry-on,
ANTM is on a budget these days!) and get ready for VAAAAYGAS!
They all rush to go pack! If that plastic face woke me up at 4:30 AM, I don't think I could go back to sleep, either.
The models arrive in Vegas later that day and head to Treasure Island (or T.I. as they have been trying to rebrand themselves in recent years, weird) and into the "Mystere" auditorium. Guess what: I have SEEN this Cirque du Soliel show! It was awesome. I've never seen so many 8-pack abs in my life. It's also the show that Seth Rogen and Paul Rudd see when they're on mushrooms in
Knocked Up. And I'm pretty sure that if this face had greeted them, they would have tripped into another dimension of terrified:
If most weeks on
America's Next Top Model are the Tyrant Tirade of Terror, tonight's episode should be called the Jay Mannequin Masquerade of Manladyness. (Yes, that name is still in draft one.)
The girls are put in groups of three again for this photo shoot, in which they're posing with three Cirque performers.
The groups are: Brittany, Jennifer and Rae; Sundai, Nicole and Erin; and Ashley, Laura and Kara.
During the shoot, Jay sees one shiner and one struggler in each group. Sundai, Brittany and Laura look outstanding next to the circus performers, while Jennifer, Nicole and Ashley look closer to freaks. Kara is also worried about her performance because when the shoot is done, Jay gives almost no feedback to their group.
Judging Panel and EliminationAs the crowd thins, Miss J's sleeves get puffier and puffier. He's like Violet Beauregarde, except instead of eating Wonka gum, he eats the souls of failing models. Watch out, J, you're starting to bloat! That's a model no-no. Time to cut the sodium, or at least cut the crap!
So not gonna happen.
Model Josie Maran is the guest judge, and she just seems too normal and likable for this program. At least Tyra stuck her next to Nigel. That should dampen the crazy from her end just a bit.
The judges evaluate the girls' final shots, which you can see here:
Laura, Brittany and Rae all look killer in their respective shots. Tyra claims that Sundai had amazing film, but she was forced to pick a shot where she looked like she was waterskiiing because of Nicole, who was laying on the floor like a dead ginger fish.
Jennifer also killed her photo (in the bad, actual killing way) by playing dead, and Ashley fell flat... though not, as many of my readers would hope, on her gossipy face.
That leaves--oh yeah, the forgettable ones--Kara and Erin, who faded into the background. Fitting.
Brittany, Rae and Jennifer receive best photo. Jennifer is told that her ass was SAVED by the other two, which I guess is why she looked upon the winning shot like it was a holy monument. Or a plate of 8,000 calorie bacon cheesy fries:
The rest of the girls get their photos individually. Laura gets first call out for looking like a "climaxing Gisele Bundchen" (seriously), and it comes down to Kara and Ashley in the bottom two.
EliminationAfter a whole episode's worth of "THIS IS WHY DANCING IS GOOD FOR MODELS," Ashley the dancer is sent home for not showing enough of her dancing skills. (Remember Weeks 1 and 2 when she was criticized for being too
much of a dancer? Sigh. The good ol' days.) Oh yeah, and also for not having very good photos.
Next week on
America's Next Top Model: It's the go-see challenge week! And later, the girls get in harnesses to model as flying warriors. Don't ask me why. There is no "Y" in "Tyra"! (Oh, there is? You tell
her that.)
-Meghan Carlson, BuddyTV Staff WriterImages courtesy of the CW