Piers Gets Grumpy on 'America's Got Talent' YouTube Night
Piers Gets Grumpy on 'America's Got Talent' YouTube Night
The YouTube round is one of my favorite nights of the America's Got Talent quarter-finals. And that's saying something, because there are so many more nights than you would think in the quarter-finals. Last season, YouTube gave us Jackie Evancho, but more importantly, we got to see some really weird stuff not translate to live performance.

Tonight there's magic, dancing, and the obligatory dog act. But it's a bulldog on a skateboard, you guys! There's nothing better than that. It's cute that Nick Cannon acts like the three judges actually watched thousands of videos to choose these acts. It's also cute that the judges still think this is all about them.

This is Piers's favorite show, too. We have so much in common. Oh, except I bet Piers loves clogging and I don't totally get it. TNC Elite is "bringing clogging to Hollywood." They clogged to a slowed-down version of "I Gotta Feelin," which doesn't sound as good even a hair slower. I'm sure the clogging was good, but I was distracted by the lazy remix of the Black Eyed Peas. Howie deemed it "really good on YouTube."

Illusionist Brett Daniels wants you to know that he is an illusionist and he is obsessed with magic. His words, not mine. He invested in "new concepts" and lost, so he's trying to reinvent himself. This trick illusion is his tribute to Marilyn Monroe. I hope it's bad/weird. He brought Marylin out of a portrait and into reality with a magic cape. Then Marilyn found out that she died and was only brought forth to satisfy his magic trick so she put on a white death shroud and disappeared into the portrait again. It was totally old-guy magic. Sharon thought it was slow and Howie thought it wasn't great. Piers buzzed him, so you know what he thinks.

SUDDEN AWKWARD MOMENT OF SELF-AWARENESS: Howie brought a fart sound machine (really?) and was using it during Piers's feedback. Piers called it disrespectful to the acts competing and it was SO true.

GABE ROCKS!! Yes, this is immediately my favorite act. I cracked up the whole clip package--that dog is so cute and hilarious and the guy opened the door for him! He was in a meditative state! AHHHHAHAHAHA it's the best. Then Gabe got on a rocking horse and rode it!! I am dead from laughing. He rode a skateboard! America loves this! Piers didn't because he has NO HEART.

Aeon has a lot to live up to. But they're a parkour group, which is cool. Gabe did some parkour when he got on that skateboard. They are struggling staying within a confined stage. It doesn't help that they added all the dancers available to them on the stage, too. Parkour is awesome, but I wasn't sure about the incorporation of the hoop. Are there a lot of giant metal rings in the street? Piers doesn't seem to think so. Sharon thought it was too repetitive. Howie liked it. FART.

Breena Bell is an 8-year old contortionist/dancer. But aren't all 8-year olds? To be fair, she can do a lot of stuff I have never been able to. She reminds me of old dance movies from the 1940's where they would roll around a bunch on their stomachs. Oh, nevermind. I don't know about this, really. It was good but also pretty creepy. OK, really creepy, and very much like Toddlers & Tiaras meets The Exorcist. Piers buzzed her because he believes in keeping the competition honest. I'm with him, though.

Props to Nick Cannon for diffusing the many awkward situations tonight. He's doing a good job as host, and I like and respect him for it.

Kevin Colis, a white guy with a guitar, got the audience clapping along to his version of Bruno Mars's "The Lazy Song," proving that while America may have talent, it still lacks rhythm. He was good, though! Piers and Sharon liked him, since the singing category isn't what it used to be this year.

Beth Ann Robinson is 14 and taking on a solo performance. Ah! She should be on Live to Dance, in the dance domes! What do you mean that show isn't on anymore?! This girl is good. She's only 14? You go, girl. Piers loved it because he loves when kids dance well. I watch Dance Moms so I know the kind of dedication it takes to be that good.

When I saw the YouTube acts, I voted for Gymkana. I'm glad they're performing on tonight's show. This act is DOPE. It's acrobatics plus really tall ladders that they're just keeping up with balance and beautiful acrobat skills. That wasn't the best description, you just have to see it (and then watch Gabe Rocks since you're there). Piers thought it might have been too repetitive, but I think they're definitely in it.

I hope Kalani Basketball Freestyle doesn't drop any basketballs. Because I don't want anyone to get buzzed anymore. Uh oh, he incorporated the dancers. It's not the worst use of the dancers we've seen on this show. And this guy has an exciting set of skills. The Globetrotters have to get this guy! Of course, right at the end, he dropped one (because he was spinning two basketballs on top of each other!) and Piers buzzed him.

West Springfield Dance Team tells us they are not a typical dance team. They're into wearing black and being creepy. The zombie look legitimately scares me, so I'm not looking forward to it. Plus this is the season of the dance teams on America's Got Talent. To be fair, they're right up there with the best on this show. I wouldn't mind seeing them move through, even though those eyes scare the crap out of me. Oh, they have coaches. Hm.

Matt Willhelm is the act that people voted for the most on YouTube, or so Sharon Osbourne told him from her leopard print Snuggie. It's breakdancing, a bike, and black lights. So he's taking advantage of America's love of blacklights and Fighting Gravity. He should team up with iLuminate, right? His blacklight suit didn't come out as well as the black light bike. It looked like a crime scene investigation. Oh, it's guts. I wish we could have seen it better.

The last YouTube act is a school choir. Powerhouse gets the closest music to the Glee background music NBC could afford. Glee was inspired by them, apparently. There's something about show choirs, though. So muggy, so insincere. Just as the slowed-down version of "I Gotta Feelin" was odd, this sped-up version of "Firework" wasn't quite working. I liked the fireworks they made with their hands, but the singing was frantic and off-putting to me. Howie gave it an X because he didn't like it.

Did you like it? Any breakout stars?

(image courtesy of YouTube)