The glorious display of American talent that is America's Got Talent airs its third episode of its second season tonight. And, of course, we are here to provide a live blog of all the action. David Hasselhoff is, as they tend to introduce him, an international superstar. He demands you watch. What follows are my live thoughts while tonight's monstrous two hour talent extravaganza.
I just realized that America's Got Talent is pretty much The Gong Show, but we've got the Hoff instead of Chuck Barris.
So, we're in Los Angeles this week.
Sharon Osbourne's little flip out last week was a little embarrassing, right?
Jerry Springer takes his shirt off on tonight's episode. Why NBC would show this in the promos, I don't know. He's also wearing a pink shirt.
Hasselhoff is late to arrive for the LA auditions. He was busy preparing a cheeseburger.
If you didn't know, the song they are playing while the Hoff enters the stage is “Sex Bomb” by Tom Jones. It's a classic, as is the video. YouTube it.
Johnny Lonestar, trick roper is the first to appear on stage. He wants us to all appreciate the Western Arts. Whatever. He's got the cowboy get-up, and he sure is trick-roping. However, I'm not impressed. I mean, it was impressive, if you will, but very annoying.
Sharon and the Hoff send him through. Piers hates him, because he's British and jealous that we have cowboys and England doesn't.
Cinda Ramseur, with two kids, singer and songwriter. She talks a lot about her passion and kids and whatnot. She comes out and sings a ballad that's actually pretty cool. She can sing, isn't spectacular. I believe the song was called “One Night Only”.
The judges love her, and she'll be moving on. Hoff is a bit glassy-eyed tonight.
The crows chants “Jerry”. Good for themselves
Laticia Widman can sings/speak with her mouth completely closed. So freaking weird. Piers calls it “the most ridiculous thing he's ever seen.” It was fairly ridiculous.
We get a montage of simply ridiculous people. Some highlights: hand farting man, Houdini in a washer, a guy who sings both Sonny and Cher, and some other degenerates.
Popovich Pet Theater, or something. A bunch of cats emerge from a treasure chest. They do tricks. Jumping and climbing and whatnot. The Hoff and Sharon Osbourne. They go through to the next round.
Lil' C is a kid that grew up in foster care. He's still 11 years old and he was adopted by what seems to be a nice family. He's wearing an awful little leather jacket, though. He starts dancing and rapping, then stops rapping and starts dancing, which is something he's good at. Kind of offensive. He needs to lose the rapping. But, the judges love him and he'll be going to Vegas.
A few transvestites/cross dressers appear on stage, each more offensive than the last.
The last one is a dude, who used to be homeless, is going for a Tyler Perry type thing, dressing up as “Grannie Pearl”. He's doing a stand-up routine. Very short, but it's not terrible. The judges like him, and he'll be heading to Vegas.
It's a magician! Eli, a creepy looking dud who's assistant is his sister. He eats some fire. Pretty impressive stuff, if you're into the whole magic thing. He makes his sister disappear and he even makes a random hotter girl appear out of nowhere. He's moving through to Vegas.
Galadin, a shirtless dude dressed up as an Egyptian, I think. He dances and shakes his body a lot. I don't really want to talk about it. There's a lot of unnecessary gyration. Sharon calls him “as camp as Christmas”, and in a good way. I don;t even know what that means. While the Hoff critiques him, Jerry walks on to stage shirtless.
Johnny Come Lately, a rockabilly band composed of fifteen year olds. They perform a rockabilly version of Houndog. It's not band, and they have a chick drummer which is cool. I hope they go through.
The judges love them, even Piers.
Next, its the Valley Girl rapper. Astoundingly bad. Then she moons the audience on her way out.
Twin brothers who play the electric violin and sing. Hmm. They admit that they were nerds in high school. Weird.
They actually kind of suck at the violin playing, or maybe the acoustics just sound really bad.
We get a montage of crap because, you know, we have two hours to fill.
Next, it is the disco granny. A 75 year old lady named Diana who sings/dances to disco. It's like the worst karaoke you've ever seen, but a million times worse and more depressing. WHAT? They let her through. I'm confused.
Cocoa Brown is a stand-up comic. Sweet name. She does a routine about “being a fat girl in Los Angeles.” I can not relate to this material, as a non-fat male. The judges love her and she's heading to Vegas.
Greg, a seventeen year old pogo stick expert, is up next. He's easily the best pogo sticker I've ever seen. That was sweet, actually. The judges don't think his act belongs in the contest. Whatever. Pogo sticking continues to be disrespected.
It's one of those Asian ladies who spins plates. I've seen this about a hundred times during various halftime shows. She does a fine job. She says that she also spins knives...in her mouth. I wonder how that works. The lady begins crying because she's scared of Piers. The Hoff walks on stage and hugs her. She's going to Vegas.
Manuel Romero, a singer/songwriter, comes out and sings My Cherie Amour, and it's pretty good, but nothing that special. I don't like when singer/songwriters don't sing their own songs. The judges like him and he's going through.
Hannah, a lady from Denmark who is obsessed with Aretha Franklin. Obsessed. She is awful. She sounds like she has strep throat.
Ivan, “the urban action figure” is an incredible dancer/acrobat. Crazy stuff. He spun on his head forever, did a bunch of flips, bounced all over the place. He'll be going to Vegas.
A big obese kid, gets the sob story treatment from NBC. He's a high-school music teacher. Michael Smith, has a broadway type voice, gets buzzed early, almost quits and then finishes on an extremely high note. Literally and figuratively. He'll be heading to Vegas.
-Oscar Dahl, BuddyTV Senior Writer