We start out the show in Nuevo Your with a rousing introduction by the estimable Nick Cannon and we are off to the races. 'Judge' Howard Stern comes out, and Oh. My. God. He's in a stinkin' suit! What the hell? This is a first for me -- seeing the potty mouth talking head in a SUIT. Heidi's got a gorgeous and sparkly white dress with cutouts.
In a moment, Nick is going to tell us how to vote, and until then, just take notes. That's what I'm gonna do. Without further ado, the first act is announced and the gloves come off.
This duo is adorbs, you gotta give them that. This time, they are preceded onto the stage by a crowd of scantily clad women tappers. These must be all the admirers they say they've picked up along the way. The flashing lights are so bright we miss half the performance, but Sean and Luke have really picked up the pace for this live performance. The judges give them the thumbs up, except Howard who stands by his stink bomb of "gimme something new, dudes!" Whatever, Howard. He never was a 13-year-old girl; thats why Howard doesn't get it, folks.
I agree with Howie this was a great opening act to kick off the live quarterfinals.
Valo & Bobby Survive Their Performance
After commercials, we waste a little time watching filler about the acrobat team Valo & Bobby and their adorable 5-year-old Yanni. What a cutie pie that guy is. These guys do a great performance that almost makes Mel B toss her cookies. Apparently, it's scary as hell to watch Valo and Bobby in person because from my couch it looks cool, but doesn't give me the tummy flips.
Julia Goodwin, Not Julia Awesome-win
Julia comes out in a long red dress that pops, and she sings a Goo Goo Dolls cover of "Iris" and it's a safe song. The judges give her lots of encouragement but say she's young and so is her talent. Mel B is disappointed in the music choice. Of course, the lyrics say, "You're the closest to heaven to me and I don't want to go home right now ... I just want you to know who I am."
Have you noticed that several of the singers have done this? They sing a song with a message for the judges, but it's their downfall because it doesn't show off their range. What's with that? Do they think they are home free and they can afford the vanity? This choice may have killed Julia's chances, but she only has to be better than half of the other performers ... so I still have a lot of hope for her.
Vote, Vote, Vote
Nick keeps reminding us to vote. I'm thinking that's gonna get old real fast and we've got another 120 minutes of this thing!
What's awesome about live performances is that we get to see everything unedited except everyone's life stories given in 30-second clips while the stagehands rearrange the stage. So live means that if someone drops a partner, passes out during a performance or wets their pants on stage, we get to see it all. I myself, I'm waiting for something really awful (awesome) to happen. But so far ... it's just not happening. I think I might be a closet masochist. Hm, maybe I should see someone about that?
Baila Conmigo Burns Up the Floor
Standing ovations ... everyone loves these guys. The party on stage is fast-paced and carries a big huge punch. The adults are window dressing for the technically perfect baby dancers. Nick wants to learn how to dance salsa. Apparently, their slave-driving maestra has prepped the baby dancers on how to drum up business because one of the little baby girls tells Nick she'll teach him whenever he wants. Wow. His wife better watch out because that girl might be a little young, but she's absolutely gorgeous.
David and Leeman
We start with another vignette about their trip so far, including a hilarious imitation of Heidi by Leeman. They are up close and personal with the judges to take a selfie. Then they say they are going to tell the future. They have books they say are written by the judges. Are these really books they've written or is it all a joke?
During the trick, Mel B accidentally hits the buzzer and Howie reaches under the table to check the electrical and comes up with what looks like a big white vibrator in his hand. What the? Oh ... that's the multi-outlet do-hickey.
There's a bunch of page ripping and trying to get Howie to read ... and it gets a little long. When are we going to get the guys to braille Heidi's cranium? Didn't they promise that after their audition? I wanna see that, guys. Heidi Klum agrees with me. You know she does, because she tells the guys that she enjoyed their last performance better.
Oh, did I mention Howard Stern is wearing a frickin' TIE? Am I in opposite world? Squirrel.
WAIT! Don't Vote Until the End
There's Nick Cannon again with our reminder. Are you taking notes? You don't have to, folks, BuddyTV's got your back. Just remember to keep refreshing your screen! Refresh it now. And now. And now. Until it changes. Oops ... it's back on! Nick tells us Enrique Iglesias is coming to the stage tomorrow night. Holy Hannah -- I looooooves me some Enrique Iglesias!
Oh, and Nick has clarified that only five -- five -- acts will go on from the quarterfinals. That means seven will be sent packing, moaning and crying back to the holes they crawled out of.
The Willis Clan of the Caveman
I've been looking forward to this all week. Lovely lacy white dresses and cowboy boots. I love these guys, but Howard and I both weren't wowed by their cover of "The Power of Love." The baby dancers were sweet but lost. Howie says they belong in Brandson. Did I spell that right? Heidi says they belong at the Grand Ole Opry. Mel B says Radio City Music Hall swallowed them up tonight. Disappointment hangs in the air for the third time tonight. Shit. But remember, they only have to be better than seven other acts tonight.
Flight Crew Jump Rope to Perfection
Great upbeat music, catchy and bright. The performance is technically perfect. Everyone loves this act tonight. I'm not sure how they are going to put even more fire power into their performance for the semifinals, but I look forward to whatever they do. Howie acknowledged the black light use this time; maybe next time they will glow in the dark? There is no reason why this group of flyers wouldn't move forward. They are the seventh performance and we have have five to go. Let's see what happens...
Jasmine Flowers Almost Wilts
Twenty-five teenage girls. Their coach says they are difficult to manage -- that's a lot of PMS to negotiate around -- but how can these girls be anything but delightful? These girls are fluid and flawless. This time, we have fireworks and confetti and the dance with scarves that match their pants. They end with their signature G fan formation. That's getting a little old.
Heidi Klum says they are like a kaleidoscope which she calls a kaleidescape. Ha! It's a soothing performance, but not extraordinary. Mel B says they are an acquired taste ... not everybody's "coop of teah." Howie agrees. So it looks like the judges are finally getting some balls about what it's gonna take to win that million dollar prize.
Emily West Goes Around the Globe
Singing to combat shyness -- that's how she started, she says. She's finally tamed her hair and put on a dress that flatters her figure. She's got the whole Barbara Stanwyck or Veronica Lake thing going on and she's frickin' amazing when she performs tonight. Howard Stern says she's the best thing on the stage all night and he couldn't be more right. Dang -- frickin' awesome.
JD enters in a tux and Magic Mikes it down to a baby blue stretch suit. His act now includes fire, but I'm not sure what that's supposed to be all about. He busts through three towers of wood and a ton of ice again. Nick's afraid the crazy strongman is gonna pass out. I just don't get it, though. How many times can a guy do that before he ends up as Muhammad Ali's roommate? The judges love the guy. I still don't get it.
He's got a hot new haircut and he's kinda funny tonight. Mel B says he's engaging. I think she's overdoing it with the compliments, though. He jokes about how easy it is to make a baby. Then he goes on to talk about doctors and Prevacid, and it's okay, but doesn't kill the crowd, and his new haircut has taken away some of the awkward charm. I expected more from him. I think another three minutes would have delivered that. As it is, it felt like he stopped right in the middle of his act. Hm. What did you think?
Miguel Dakota Gives One Hot Performance
No standing ovations except Howie, but I think he may have just been readjusting his pants. Heidi Klum gives the boy his props. Mel B can't help fanning herself energetically as a techie runs off to grab her a glass of ice water to pour over her head. Check. Check. Check. The man has everything, she says. She is the queen leading the entire population of Radio City Music Hall in a frenzy of spontaneous ovulation. Howie Mandel falls all over himself and is ready to write the boy a check for a million dollars. Howard, god bless him, gives him some good advice, though, which is probably the best piece of advice he'll ever get about this performance.
Now, you know how sponge-worthy I believe this man child is. I chose him as one of my One Acts to Watch back when he first performed. Personally, I don't think this was one of his best performances. His first verse had me really worried. Once he got into a higher register, he started rocking the house, though, so it turned out alright. I do think the back-up singers should have been quieter so Miguel's voice would have been more prominent than it was. It's clear this guy is gonna go forward. Female America loves sexy men with dreamy eyes and sultry pipes
Who Goes Forward?
Now y'all gotta vote. You go do that and then Bill will be back for tomorrow night's live results show and the big reveal of which five acts will be returning to the stage and which seven will be sent home.
America's Got Talent airs Tuesdays and Wednesdays at 9pm on NBC.
(Image and videos courtesy of NBC)