It might seem hard to believe, but the America's Got Talent
train has finally derailed its endless roll around the country. And the next stop is the bright lights, cha-ching and sorta legalized prostitution of Las Vegas. Which is good, because all the advancing acts will have to sell it like their next single-mom utility bill depends on it.
Wednesday night marked the end of our annual audition journey, with bits and pieces pulled from Los Angeles, Chicago, New York, New Orleans and San Antonio. I'm not even sure where most of the acts came from because there was only one general introduction that included all five locations.
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What I am sure of is that the first performers to move on were from San Antonio because the three child members of Ballet Folklorico Mestizo are a Mariachi group who dances with machetes. Except the little guy, he's too adorable to risk cutting, so he uses butter knives. The other two? Eh. We'll risk it.
They're not the one act to watch, though, because they basically have no act. But every adorable kid who isn't the second coming of Problem Child must move on, so we'll see him one more time and his mom will get to gamble some. Win-win. Unless she loses all the money she's set aside for braces. Then it's lose-lose.
The comedian was straight up weird, the aerial love duet was more about the love than the aerials and synchronized swimming is an Olympic sport with very few "undiscovered talents" out there. If you're good at it, people already know. There's a nationally funded program to find you. That's like someone getting up on stage and hitting tennis balls to try and make it onto the pro circuit.
We had two of your standard "singers with emotional backstories." I rank the girl who lost her father a bit higher than the black cowboy, but really, both need more seasoning to compliment their wonderful voices.
That leaves one act, which is the easy choice for the final act to watch from the audition rounds. I give you Timber Brown, acrobatic entertainer.
Dude can flat out climb! I would've put him through just based on the stuff he effortlessly did in his intro. And there were at least three times during the audition where I, watching by myself on my couch, said, "Holy s---!" out loud. No one could hear me, but I couldn't help it.
How this guy isn't already in Vegas is mind-boggling. I'm sure he will be afterwards, no matter how he does in the competition, because his act is both amazing AND scary as hell, with tons of potential to push the envelope. And the most ridiculous part is that he wasn't even happy with how he did. Which means he can do better. SMH.
That is, of course, provided he survives Vegas. That last stunt where he free-falls for a second and then grabs the pole at the bottom almost had me jumping out of my seat.
It's time to gear up for twice-a-week AGT's, so I hope you enjoyed the pared-down one-hour finale to this stage of the competition. See you in Sin City.