'American Idol' Recap: Talent, Tears and Travesty (Page 2/2)
Bill King
Bill King
Contributing Writer, BuddyTV
"Singers" to Forget

It's an exceedingly short list this time around, because most of the bad singers are montaged and unnamed. That is not the case for Zoanette Johnson, who is singing the National Anthem because she lost won a bet about Obama's reelection. She sounds like Whitney Houston on crack. Wait...too soon? She also has a "Hollywood Jive" and wants an invitation to the White House, and Keith literally falls out of his chair laughing. He is my favorite judge. Wait, WTF? She got a golden ticket? I don't care. Rules be damned, I'm not moving her from this section. If the leaked top 40 list is correct and this chick makes it, some talented girl REALLY got the shaft.

Anastacia Freeman is actually just terrible, only the judges DON'T give her a pass to Hollywood. She takes a tumble in her big heels on the way in, just for good measure, AND she believes that God told her to audition. Yep, she's why we hate the audition shows. You were doing so well, Idol, before this travesty (which included a "cheap dramatization" mocking her alleged conversation with her savior). She vows not to listen to Mariah Carey anymore, doesn't listen to Nicki Minaj because she worships the devil, gets into her hatchback station wagon and promises that if there's no judge changes, she won't be back next season. Good Lord, and that phrase is now questionable. 

Final Thoughts

Oh holy hell, the show ends with Steven Tyler "auditioning" in drag. Full drag. It's fine, because it's really the only way to properly cap off what has to be the strangest audition show in years, if not ever. To recap, they spotlighted a country bumpkin, an Asian signer, a chick with a talking stuffed bear and a sick kid with just an okay voice (I guess I WILL be the first to say it). Not a single golden ticket that actually wowed at all. 

In addition, they put through Zoanette Johnson, who doesn't belong in a high school talent show. I actually watched her audition again, from start to finish, to see if I missed anything. And I didn't. She's horrible. AND she forgot the words to the National Anthem! What in the hell is happening? And she supposedly makes the top 40? I hope that spoiler list was at least part joke. 

I also could've done without all the songs from the musical "Oklahoma." We get it, there's a show named after the state. And what was with all the crying? There was a whole montage about it. Weren't there any dynamic performers in Oklahoma City? Doesn't Kevin Durant sing?

Well, that's it for the bread course of our long, drawn-out American Idol meal. Tune in next week, when we're promised all the appetizers we can handle. Some will be good, some will be bad, and some we will (shockingly) send back to the chef. Who are your favorites going into Hollywood Week? And what did you think of this last audition round? Were you as confused as I was? Will you stop watching if Zoanette makes the top 40? And if she makes the top 20 and America gets to vote on her, will she win?

There's only one positive thing to take from this show, and I owe it all to Glee. Thank you for returning, show I don't watch, because I only had to sit through an hour of this garbage. Sadly, it was oddly entertaining. 

Watch American Idol at 8 p.m. on Wednesdays and Thursdays at 8 p.m.

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