'American Idol' Top 11 Recap: Attack of the Terrible Song Choice
'American Idol' Top 11 Recap: Attack of the Terrible Song Choice
Abbey Simmons
Abbey Simmons
Contributing Writer, BuddyTV
This recap comes with a warning: if you love Miley Cyrus, you will hate me by the end of this. Heck, you'll probably hate me by the end of this introduction.

You see, as a 29-year-old woman with functioning ears and no offspring, Miley Cyrus makes about as much sense to me as an Idol mentor and successful musician as Jesse James cheating on Sandra Bullock with a stripper whose face is covered in tattoos. It just does not compute and it never will.

Thing is, it's not just Miley that I'm less than ecstatic about tonight. It's the whole affair. From the deja vu inducing theme, to much of the Top 11 themselves, to the tired judging panel. Tonight's performance show has me wishing that The Last Song wasn't just the name of Miley's new movie, but a promise. A promise from each performer tonight that this would either be their last lackluster song, or their last song altogether.

There are ways American Idol could improve tonight's show ... we have some helpful suggestions for artists better suited to serve as mentors than Miley. And as always, we have our fingers and toes crossed that someone (anyone!) uses one of our song suggestions:

We have song spoilers folks, courtesy of Top Idol blog and while a few of them have me wanting to invest in ear plugs STAT, one Idol is FINALLY doing a song I've basically begged him to do since week one. See the spoilers here.

Are you following along with my Tweets as well as my live thoughts? Because you should be, I'm awfully witty in 140 characters or less.

To begin tonight's Billboard #1 Hit's theme we get a Billboard history lesson and an introduction Miley Cyrus, who only Katie and Aaron seem excited to meet. In other news, water is wet. Miley says she's thrilled to be a mentor on American Idol and then negates any chance of being taken seriously by saying, "I've watched this season and I don't think any of them are doing anything wrong?" Do famous people get to watch a different season of Idol than we do? Because that's the only explanation.

Lee DeWyze - "The Letter" by The Box Tops

Can I get a hallelujah for Lee doing "The Letter?" I've only been begging since the very first week of Idol for him to do it. It's an emotional choice because Alex Chilton, lead singer of The Box Tops died suddenly this past week, which it looks like Idol has chosen to completely ignore. Classy Idol, classy.

And the disappointments don't stop there. Lee, unfortunately, has decided to jazz up "The Letter" instead of rocking out with it and I am not keen on it at all. The structure of a jazz tune shows Lee's weaknesses, vocally and as a performer instead of highlighting that wonderful growl and rasp in a positive way. (That's what rock'n'roll does.) Lee gets stronger as the performance goes along, but it's still full of errant flat notes and stumbles on the phrasing. Sadly, despite the fact this is the song I've always wanted from Lee, it was my least favorite performance of his. By far ... and he sang my nemesis in song form "Fireflies."

Simon Says (best judge's comment): Ellen, having lost the banana metaphor with Alex Lambert decides to start a new one with Lee, calling him her favorite pen. Simon says Lee was doing something "quite corny, I think you're kind of missing the point." Yet again, Simon Cowell is the only voice of reason.

Safe, Shaky, Should Be Going Home: Shaky (Lee stumbled, no matter what the judges say and he got the spot of death.)

Paige Miles - "Against All Odds" by Phil Collins

She's Just Being Miley (comments on Miley's mentorship): Paige thinks age is nothing but a number when it comes to Miley as a mentor. Miley calls Paige out on her pitchiness. (Score one for Miley.)

(* A minute and a half of stunned silence that has paralyzed my fingers passes *) Oh my god. Paige is so bad, I sincerely don't even know what to say. It's like her rendition of "Smile," but worse. Yes. I said worse than "Smile," one of the worst performances in the history of Idol. Paige doesn't hit a single note on key whether she's whispering or belting them out. And the icing on a poisonous cake? Her timing is off the entire time. Hands down, the most painful performance I've sat through since auditions and the only one that's stunned me into silence. Ouch.

Simon Says: Randy says the performance was terrible and then back tracks saying, "maybe your voice isn't back yet." Kara says it was the worst vocal of the season. Simon says "I think that song has just killed you, I do."

Safe, Shaky, Should Be Going Home: Going Home (not should be, Paige is going home.)

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