American Idol: The Seattle Auditions
For a full recap of this episode, click here. Tonight's American Idol, featuring the auditions in Seattle, may have been the worst episode of American Idol ever. And, by that, I mean that it also may have been the best. I live in Seattle, was born and raised there, and it brings me great sadness to see such a horrendous assortment of degenerates and misfits grace the audition stage. Really, truly, this was the worst batch of contestants in the show's six-year history. We're going to have a quick rundown of tonight's show, complete with highlights (of which there were few) and a look at the general ineptitude of Seattle's Idol hopefuls. The weather was rainy the first day Idol was in town, and I have to presume that this kept the good looking people indoors and aways from the auditions. If you were unfamiliar with Seattle prior to the episode tonight, you'd probably think that we've suffered from an obesity influenza and that gargoyles had infested the breeding pool. Here's a look at some of the notable moments of tonight's American Idol.
  • A dude dressed as Uncle Sam kicked off the show singing a horrific rendition of God Bless America.
  • An obese, snaggle-toothed, platinum blonde monstrosity came accompanied by her mom. The two of them wrote a novella inspired by American Idol.
  • A girl with arms bigger than my abdomen wearing fishnet sleeves. Uhh...'nuf said, right?
  • Blake, a guy who sings over beats. He sang a Seal song, but was good enough to make it to Hollywood.
  • A crazy weird Mormon who sang Unchained Melody. Just unfathomably bad.
  • Rudy, who sang Journey's Open Arms. Of course he made it to Hollywood.
  • A Indian brother-sister combo, both really good and who both made it to Hollywood.
  • The unlikely duo of bat-kid and baby Huey. Come back tomorrow and I'll explain it further. Trust me, you'll want to see pictures. And we'll have pictures.
  • A drunk Taylor Hicks wannabe.
  • A giant, 6'4" woman who made it to Hollywood.
  • A redheaded, lumberjack-looking dude who creeped the hell out of everyone involved.
We'll be back tomorrow with a longer, in-depth look at tonight's episode. -Oscar Dahl, BuddyTV Senior Writer