Have your ears and expectations recovered from last night's brutal beating my fellow Idol
watchers? I personally am taking heart in the fact that there is no way tonight's results show can match the terribleness of last night's performance show, which is destined to be remembered as one of the worst episodes in American Idol
That's because unless the judges decide to do a reverse save ... where they eliminate two contestants tonight to punish their sheer awfulness ... only one member of the Top 11 will be singing solo. And that person will be Paige Miles. Never have you all been so unanimous
in your Fantasy TV votes or poll responses, so unless there's the biggest upset in a season of huge upsets, Paige will be sent packing and I can't say I'll miss her. Of course, I wouldn't miss Andrew Garcia or Tim Urban if they got the boot this week either, but we have next week and the week after that for those inevitable goodbyes.
So watch along with me tonight as we learn who's eliminated (hint: Paige Miles) or read along with me so you don't have to sit through her swan song and guest performers Miley Cyrus, Joe Jonas and Demi Lovato. Now let's get on to eliminating Paige Miles!
Ryan introduces the evening by pretending like whoever is eliminated tonight might cause the judges' to use the save. I try not to laugh. I hear your stifled laughter too. Unless something nuts happens and Lee Dewyze or Crystal Bowersox end up in the bottom, there's no way that save is being wasted this early on. Top 11 Group Song - "Wake Me Up Before You Go Go" by Wham!
So is it an American Idol
requirement that the group song has to be painfully cheesy and bubblegum? Or was that just a clause for Season 9? As usual, Crystal Bowersox looks mortified that she's singing something so juvenile. Some of you think that makes her a snot, I think that makes her awesome. Toothache aside, the group number was better than probably 8 of last night's performances.
If you though Crystal Bowersox looked embarrassed and uncomfortable during the group numbers, just wait till you see her in the weekly Ford Focus commercials:
A-W-K-W-A-R-D.First Round of Results
It's Results Time, and three people will be making the journey to the stools of death.Siobhan: SAFE
Then Ryan plays a cruel game of un-musical chairs with Casey, Lee, Tim and Paige. My guess is two of these people are safe (Lee and Casey) and two are in the bottom (Tim and Paige). But there could be a shocker with Lee in the Bottom 3, which I worried about in our weekly Idol podcast. But, back to the results at hand.
Tim: BOTTOM 3
Paige: BOTTOM 3 Next Week's Theme and Mentor:
R&B/Soul with mentor Usher ... what do you think about next week's theme and mentor?
This Week's "Mentor" Performs - Miley Cyrus
In a performance we will call "verging on Paige Miles pitchy." If the judges were critiquing Miley Randy would start with, "Yo Mi-Dawg, you know I love you right? I just didn't get it." And I wouldn't blame him, she does end her ballad by headbanging in a formal dress and hits more flat and sharp notes than notes on key.
Second Round of Results
Aaron - SAFE
Didi - SAFE
Big Mike - SAFE
Crystal - SAFE
Seriously, I love this girl. When Ryan asks Crystal who should would listen to about using the guitar next week Simon or Randy, without so much of a pause and a big grin, she responds, "Me." Crystal isn't playing the Idol game and is trying to win on singing alone, it's a ballsy move and I appreciate it because it seems authentic in a sea of gimmicks.
So it's down to Andrew Garcia or Katie Stevens in the bottom three.
Andrew - SAFE
Katie - BOTTOM 3
Well, that's kind of shocking, but only if Katie is actually eliminated. Which she is instantly not -- our precious pageant princess was in the bottom three for about two seconds before Ryan tells her she is actually safe.
So, it'll either be Paige or Tim heading home tonight. I'd be fine with either, but I'm still predicting Paige.
Joe Jonas and Demi Lovato
Are actually an adorable couple, like Disney help arrange the whole thing or something.
Also, good to know inspirational songs sung by teenagers are still as inane as ever.
It's Elimination Time:
PAIGE MILES IS ELIMINATED
Simon tells it like it is and tells Paige, "regardless of how you sing tonight, you're going home tonight." I have never appreciated Simon's blunt honesty more.
Paige, as is the unfortunate trend this season, sings better than she has all season during her swan song. Of course, considering how she did this season, that's not saying much.
So there you have it America, your Top 10 touring Idols ... including Tim friggin Urban who wasn't even supposed to make the Top 24. Do not underestimate the power of the Worsters when combined with perfect he-bangs. How lucky can one guy get? And more importantly, what do you think of the last 10 standing?
(Image courtesy of FOX)