'American Idol' Recap: Texas is the Land of Opportunity
'American Idol' Recap: Texas is the Land of Opportunity
American Idol in Texas, y'all! I wonder if they told that guy behind Ryan's left shoulder to quit making that face, but he just kept making it anyway so they used the take where he made it the least. So, Houston. Would you spend that much time outside in Houston by choice? I don't know that I would. Even the judges didn't; they are in Galveston!

So, Houston, do we have a problem? A couple, but also a few solutions!

The Good

Skylar Laine, the cute little girl with the accent and the struggling family store. She's adorable, and her voice is so great for country! Her friend is obsessed with Steven Tyler, apparently, which makes me wonder if anyone's friend is obsessed with Randy? Come on, just someone be a huge Randy fan.

SkylarLaine.jpgBaylie Brown was turned down 5 years ago and SOMEONE grew up. She looked like Denise Richards then, and looks like Denise Richards now. She forgot the words in Hollywood when she was 16, but now she can go to all the karaoke bars to practice. To Hollywood with Baylie, after Randy pretended to remember her.

Kristina Osorio is 28. It's her first and last opportunity to make it, which would make things sad enough but she's about to be a single mom of 3! She's struggling to find work, so shouldn't she be sending resumes out? Instead of paying her divorce lawyer, she bought a plane ticket to audition. OH GOD. I mean, I like her and she's a great singer, but someone who shirks their financial responsibilities to be on TV can never have my full respect.

Sometimes-homeless product of a single-parent household (back when single parents couldn't audition for American Idol), Cortez Shaw, sped up an Adele song. It was an "interesting" choice, but he sounded great. And he loves Randy! Jennifer didn't believe it, and neither did Randy, but it was a good angle. I was genuinely happy for him when he got sent to Hollywood.

cortezshawaudition.jpg
The Bad

Phong Vu is an instant classic. He loves all the camera action in his face! Is he really 25, though? There's no way! He described the experience, emotionally, as "so phenomenon." He loves female pop artists, like "Selena Dion." He sang "Unbreak My Heart," and in the process, re-broke ours. Still, I love him and his "iconic moves." "Is he for real?" Randy and I wonder.

PhongVuicon.jpgIconic.

Alejandro Cazares. He wants to revolt against ... the production schedule? The revolution was here ... and the revolution left without a ticket to Hollywood. BLEH. Why was his tongue blue? Too many blue raspberry jolly ranchers whilst planning the revolution? Good for that bouncer for making him leave.

Julie Shuman, she of the tight, gold pants, did not make it. Neither did Vanessa Hernandez, who was awesomely terrible. Eric "Nire" Kettl also re-broke Toni Braxton.

The Confusing

The guy who sang "My Prerogative." He kicked off a montage of Texas's "wacky" auditions, all of which I just loved. There were a bunch of terrible guys trying to imitate Scotty McCreery, which prompted Jennifer to say, "OK this is at the point where I'm like, what is going on?" More of this, please!

ImitationScotty.jpgBaby, lock them doors and DON'T LET THIS GUY SELL YOU ANY ENCYCLOPEDIAS.

Jennifer versus the boys! Sometimes I was with Jennifer, who seemed to love everyone, and sometimes I agreed with Steven and Randy who don't want Hollywood to be a glut of just-decent singers. I was definitely in agreement with Jennifer on Linda Williams, who was kind of screaming/screeching. I love seeing Jennifer pissed, though. So beautiful, even when she's mad. And the production staff got some more use out of "Eye of the Tiger."

Jenniferearplug.jpgFormerly-earless youth pastor, Ramiro Garcia, had too sad of a story for us to really see him sing without a bias. But it was a pretty cool story. Did he have to sing "Amazing Grace"? He's a good audition story, but I don't know that he'll make it too far in Hollywood.

(images courtesy of FOX)

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