'American Idol' Results: 1 of 6 Sent 'So Far Away'
'American Idol' Results: 1 of 6 Sent 'So Far Away'
Tonight on American Idol, we discover who you, personally, sent home. You might as well have sent them anthrax, too, because Ryan Seacrest knows this was part of your evil plot all along and you have just ruined one person's life forever. This week the contestants sang solos and duets by Carole King. The solos were so much better than the duets, which didn't matter because people only voted based on the solos, really, and are people even doing that anymore or just voting for their favorites? We'll find out! (Haley Reinhart is the key.)

Most of us think Jacob and Casey will be in the bottom two tonight, with one of the girls (probably Haley, even though I really like her now) rounding out the bottom three. Was Jacob's outfit that unforgivable? I used to really like Casey, but listening to him I realize that he does this thing on the end of notes way too often. I have trouble describing it, but he ends words with like, an "ng" sound and then releases it with "AH" and it sounds angry and forced. I like him better when he doesn't do that, and man, he did it a lot this week when he performed "Hi De Ho."

Oh my god, Lauren Alaina's hair/perm tonight. That poor girl! Ryan can tell us this: "A lot of fans are going to be disappointed with tonight's result." Well, yeah, probably! Will we be shocked? Does this mean it's Scotty McCreery? I would be disappointed by that. He's the son I'll never have. Which came first, Steven Tyler or Annie Hall? I seriously want to know.

StevenTylerAnnieHall.jpgRyan made a clunker of a Charlie Sheen joke, before introducing a clip package about "Brit Week" and some dumb royal wedding stuff. I am so sick of the royal wedding. At least we got to hear Scotty do a British accent. And now a medley!

The medley was nice and smarmy, and you can tell Haley is trying to shrug off all those "Casey and Haley are an item" rumors. I wish James and Haley had sung a duet together, they blended really well. I think teenage girls like Scotty until they are forced to sway back and forth as he sits among them. That was good and weird.

Scottymakesemsway.jpgFord Music Video time! The Idols are at it again, creating their own set for the music video. They did it, and after looking relatively pleased with their work, they just kind of drove away. Not your best, Idol.

Crystal Bowersox! Now that she isn't on the show anymore, I will admit that Crystal Bowersox is totally legit. She was consistent last season, and didn't really seem to care about the competition that much, which worked for her. If you want to have a fun time, you should search YouTube for videos of people reacting to her American Idol loss in front of their TVs. Or any other American Idol loss, really.

Oh god, we're taking some time out of this episode to ask fan questions. Casey tells us he would like to duet with Oscar Peterson and Ryan Seacrest is like, "WHATEVER!"

GooooooooCasey.jpgJacob discovered his range when he was about six or seven years old, Lauren misses her friends and family and sends love out to the tornado victims, and Scotty used to work at a grocery store and helped his mom out at a tanning salon. God, Scotty is so precious. Has anyone else ever noticed that Haley sort of sounds like Steven Tyler when she's talking?

Haley is up first to center stage, and they're doing a clip package for each contestant to review their performance last night. Correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't there once a time when these results shows were just half an hour? Oh well, these clips gave Jimmy Iovine a chance to speak his mind, which I like. And Haley swore -- just like Steven Tyler! Haley is safe! Sorry 'bout it!

Scotty is next to hear his results. Jimmy is worried that Scotty's subtleties could get lost in this environment. Ryan announces that Scotty will have to "hang on for a second," then calls Lauren up to center stage. The Top 6 is when Ryan Seacrest really has to work hard for the money, to stretch the show out, and move the contestants around the stage like chess pieces.

Jimmy Iovine thinks that Lauren is here for the long haul. Really, Jimmy? You're the mentor, not me. Lauren tells Ryan that she's just happy to be here, and Ryan tells her to have a seat. What are you doing to us, Seacrest?

Casey is next to face Grand Dungeon Master Seacrest. Jimmy Iovine predicts that Casey will be safe, but also thinks Casey growls too much and "he needs to understand that the family dog is not voting on this show!" Good one, Jimmy! Ryan makes Casey sit down and takes us to a commercial break. What is this nonsense, Ryan?

James faces the video next, and Jimmy says, "If James picks the right songs, there's no doubt in my mind that he could win this thing." Tell us how you really feel, Jimmy! James is safe, of course, which means more trouble for those people just hanging out on the couches.

PreachJimmyIovine.jpgOh No, Not My Jacob Lusk! Jimmy Iovine doesn't miss his opportunity to make fun of Jacob's ridiculous outfit. Jimmy says it's time to compare the contestants against each other instead of against themselves week to week. Good point, Jimmy! But what is "banana peel status"? Is that a thing? Ryan brings everyone up and Lauren is safe. Jacob, Casey, and Scotty are in the bottom three. Scotty!!

Bruno Mars. Sometimes I really like Bruno Mars, and other times (like tonight when he's wearing that hat and that vest), I just don't really care for him. He's a good singer, though, and he is making me miss Stefano a little. Bruno Mars tells us that he doesn't feel like doing anything, so I guess we should thank him for getting out of that Snuggie, putting on that vest and getting his butt on the Idol stage. Depression is 100% treatable!

BrunoMarsdepression.jpgSo tonight the results are in "random order," and Jacob is safe. WHAT?! It's down to Scotty and Casey, so this is a big bummer. Casey Abrams is leaving us tonight. So much for the Save.

CaseyandScottybottomtwo.jpgBut come on, Randy cares more about keeping Casey on this show than Casey does, I think. My mom will be really sad, because she LOVES her some Casey Abrams. I like Casey, too, he was the funniest and seemed like the person I'd most like to hang out with. But in the end there can only be one. I appreciate that he kissed Steven Tyler on the cheek.

Then my stream cut out but I hear he kissed some more people and had a tender moment with Haley, which I hate that I missed. Did they or didn't they?!

(Images courtesy of FOX)