'American Idol' Auditions Begin with New Judges, New Jersey
'American Idol' Auditions Begin with New Judges, New Jersey
"Every superstar has a dream," and that dream begins today! Finally we get to enjoy all the highs and lows of a new season (with ample changes). I've been so nervous/excited about it that it feels like I'M auditioning! The opening sequence, complete with news stories and editing like there's some sort of Idol pandemic, tells us that it is, in fact, OUR story. Oh my god, the pressure!

As though we didn't know who the judges were, we spent what felt like hours hyping up Steven Tyler and Jennifer Lopez. Oh, Randy. He can't even hold a candle to that scene in Enough where Jennifer Lopez tapes up to get revenge on the man who did her wrong. Then Ryan tells us that they "scoured" the country (and they unearthed the vocal grime of America). They also found "some of the best talent we've ever seen." Then they showed us a preview of the American Idol classic: those awful auditions, which we either loathe or live for.

They're chanting "New Jersey," Constantine Maroulis is here, this can't be good. Jennifer Lopez thinks she's ready, but I bet she has no idea! And Randy has no idea how overlooked he will continue to be. Seriously, everyone keeps forgetting about "the dawg," or whoever he's trying to be now.

The Standouts

Caleb Hawley: Looked like he just rolled out of bed, sang like he rolled out of heaven.

idolcalebh.jpgRobbie Rosen: He was in a wheelchair when he was 5, but 11 years later he's standing in front of the judges. The judges called him a "breath of fresh air" and sent him straight to Hollywood.

J. Lo Can't Say No: Aww, J. Lo was so cute not wanting to break anyone's heart! Then New Jersey hardened her, and she moved them on through.

Melinda Ademi: The final audition on day one, her family's struggle in Kosovo was sad but touching. I'm not sure she'll make it through Hollywood, but if you can't live "the American Dream" on American Idol, where can you?

The New Idol Logos: It's not just about America anymore, it's about the WORLD! And TRON!

Idolnewlogo.jpgDevyn Rush: Singing waitress from New York City. Get out of that job, girl! Start dressing like a star! J. Lo's orders!

Brielle Von Hugel: Steven Tyler begged her to be the next American Idol and to their delight, she didn't suck. She's dedicating it to her father, who has throat cancer. Look out, she always has a flower in her hair; this girl's already figured out her signature look!

Travis Orlando: This twin from a homeless shelter had the last audition, a sad story, and a great look. The judges liked his jazzy style, even if he was a little nervous. BECAUSE HIS LIVELIHOOD WAS ON THE LINE. If he doesn't make it to the Top 12 we have all failed!

THIS GUY!: Featured in the "Party in the USA" montage.

The Strange

Tiffany Rios: A.K.A. Star Boob Girl, who burst into tears upon seeing Jennifer Lopez. They put her through after her second, "more emotional" song. Is she YOUR American Idol?

Idolstarboobs.jpgAchille Lovle: It was just STRANGE, and it may have only made sense to Steven Tyler. "You got so much of this and all the drama and all that but you got no notes," said Steven Tyler. Achille blamed her accent but that was not the issue. It was Jennifer Lopez's first no and she could barely get it out.

The Steven Tyler Creepy Old Man Montage: Did that one girl just confuse Steven Tyler for Ellen? I hope so.
Boy Scout Chris Cordeiro: While he was singing some Frank Sinatra, his mom (aunt?) was cuddling with Ryan Seacrest. Some people just don't hear themselves. But at least his family got to meet Ryan. That's what it's all about.

Idolryanseacrestcuddle.jpg Michael Perotto: Proud Mary he was not. "Did you eat a lot of paint chips as a child?" Steven Tyler asked. Ouch! It was weird, but not awful! "It sounds like you're singing in a voice that's not your voice?" J. Lo offered. It was just sad all around.

The Startling, Bad and Sad

That Awful Jersey Shore-style Montage: This is a big one if you're playing American Idol Audition BINGO!

Jerseyidol.jpgMelkia Wheatfall: The girl who broke J. Lo.

Ashley Sullivan: She was so nervous and loved Britney Spears so much. I think I really liked her until she begged the judges to send her through. They started to encourage her to go do Broadway ("Just not here. Please, just go away!"), but she got down on her knees to keep "pop meets Liza." Do they drug test? She was all over the place!

Idolashleysullivan.jpgVictoria Huggins: WELL HI Y'ALL! She reminds me of a more irritating Miley Cyrus. But can she sing? She thinks she can, you can tell. She's convinced that this is IT. So affected. But we'll have to see Little Miss Sunshine again in Hollywood. I'm exhausted from watching her.

Randy Jackson's Desperate Attempts to Take Control and Be Noticed: Randy, that 'tude doesn't work for you!

Yoji "Pop": I think they meant for him to be the new General Larry Platt. Well, everyone was laughing at him like he meant to be funny. Please, we have better things to do than tweet about Yoji Pop! He was a nice lead into a confusing "Party in the U.S.A." montage, though.

Idolyojipop.jpgThe girl who said she's "purposeless without singing": AHHH!

Who were your favorites from New Jersey? What do you think of the new judges? Don't forget about Randy!

(Images courtesy of FOX)