For a moment, it looked like we were in for a huge twist on A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila, but then, no.  It goes exactly as I thought, where the sentimental choice is the loser while the dull, safe one wins.  It's a bit depressing, but ultimately unsurprising, and it looks like Tila will now have an even more difficult time fending off those hetero rumors.

The final episode starts as Dani and Bobby get along surprisingly well. Bobby even comments on how similar they are, then he makes a comment about how gay he's acting. First up, Tila Tequila wants to show her final two a bit of her world, so she takes them into the recording studio where they each write their own song to sing with her. Bobby's is very poor, and the best he can claim is that, on a scale of 1-10, at least it wasn't a 0. I couldn't put it better myself. Then Dani comes out and kills it, putting on a full gangsta demeanor. Tila is dam impressed at how cool Dani actually is.

Next, Tila shows them her modeling background, and Bobby wins out because Dani is wrapped up tight while Bobby is dressed in nothing but a loincloth. It's a jungle theme, so that's not completely random.

At the mansion, they have a special dinner, and their families are invited. Dani's mom is awesome, and her cousin is adorable. Bobby gets his mom, step-dad and younger brother. The families admire Tila's vibrator chandelier, and she turns it on. The two moms battle it out for whose child Tila should choose. Bobby's mom makes a comment about how there shouldn't be two women in the kitchen, which I take as a veiled dig at lesbianism.

Bobby's mom is very handsy with her son, like she still treats him like her little baby. She provides some background: he slept in her bed until he was six. When they go for some after dinner partying, Bobby's mom gets on the pole and Bobby is again traumatized. I don't know the clinical term for the inverse Oedipal complex (when the mom is in love with the son), but I think we're seeing it. Tila gets on the pole and her dress slips, so Bobby's younger brother sees some Tila boobies. I wonder how long after he got back the hotel he pleasured himself to that image, because you totally know he did.

The next morning, Dani is nervous as heck, and Bobby is quite relaxed. They get spa treatments as they reflect on their time in the house, set to the longest montages ever that include every single scene of this show they've ever been in,

That night, each of them get a solo date with Tila Tequila. Dani's is sweet, and she's very into it, questioning why Tila is still in doubt, because the choice is clear. Dani gives Tila a cheap key chain locket with her phone number in it, so Tila can always call her. It's very sweet. On Bobby's date, they hang out by the hot tub and he gives her a music journal to write her song lyrics in. It's OK, but not all that great.

That night, Bobby and Dani head out to the pool to hear Tila Tequila give a long speechabout love. Then she says she wants to take A Shot at Love with Bobby. They kiss as Dani leaves, saddened.

Tila appears to have a change of heart and breaks her kiss to run after Dani. She falls into Dani's arms and says how sorry she is. But Tila isn't changing her mind, she just wants to say goodbye. It was a cruel twist by the editors who made me think for a second that Dani would actually win.

Dani leaves again, heartbroken, and Tila returns to her man. She claims she's ready to settle down with him and is happy to start their life together. That long road begins with one happy night in her bedroom. So if they break up on the reunion show, I guess we'll know that Bobby isn't so great in the sack.


-John Kubicek, BuddyTV Senior Writer
(Image courtesy of MTV)