A Shot At Love with Tila Tequila

Well, here we are, the season finale of A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila.  When this little dog and pony show began, who could imagine it would be as popular as it is?  Things are down between Bobby and Dani, the man and the woman, the small town boy and the fire fighter, the dainty, feminine looking one...and Dani.

I'll be here throughout the episode updating with my live thoughts on what is sure to be an exciting finale.  Earlier today we put up a poll, and thus far, a slight majority of you think Dani will win, while a bigger majority think she should.  Lots of Dani confidence out there.

Previously on A Shot at Love...we revisit some of my favorite moments of reality TV all year: Ashley's meltdown, the catfight, Bobby deep throating a penis.  Good times.

Bobby thinks tt's weird how similar he and Dani are.  Ha, it's so true, then he says they should try to mesh into one person, and he acknowledges it's the second gayest thing he's ever said.  What's the first?

Dani and Bobby go to the studio to see Tila Tequila perform her music.  This is the clip we saw ahead of time, and Dani raps the hell out of it.  "Bobby B." is terrible with some hella weak rhymes.  Also, how sad is it when you refer to yourself by a name famously associated with a coke fiend who beat up Whitney.  Dani calls his song super gay, and he says on a scale of 1-10, at least it wasn't a 0.

Dani has a potty mouth, screaming like a true gangsta.  It's effing amazing, and I think she just turned me into a lesbian.

Next they model with Tila, ad they do a weird threesome that looks like a Tarzan, jungle theme.  Bobby is in a loincloth.

The three meet up for the last supper, but there are more than three place settings.  SURPRISE, it's their families!  Dani's mom and cousin, Bobby's mom, step-dad and little brother.  Bobby's mom TMIs that he slept in her bed until he was six.  The families notice a vibrator chandelier, which is so wrong.

The moms start pimping for Tila to pick their kids.  Dani and Bobby are kind of awkward.  Bobby's mom is a little offensive, passively dissing lesbians, and being way too lovey with her son.  Like, creepy, Gertrude in Mel Gibson's Hamlet kind of lovey, if you know what I mean.

They go to the special room, and Bobby's mom does a pole dance.  Seriously, there is some messed up dynamic in that mother-son relationship.

Tila gets on the pole, and her dress falls off, so Bobby's sweet virginal younger brother is excited to see her boobies.

The next morning, the two are very nervous because it's the final day, and Dani just wants it to be over.  Bobby's a bit more relaxed.

They get spa treatments, including pedicures.  Dani says it's her first.  Bobby makes no such claim.  They reminisce, and we get lots of flashbacks from the whole season.  Basically, it's an easy way to kill about 10 minutes because they didn't have any other material for this episode.

Revisiting Bobby's old clips, I'm not saying he's gay, but he's certainly more metrosexual than most guys on these MTV dating shows, and if he revealed he was bisexual, I would not be totally surprised.

That night, Tila has private dinner dates with the two finalists.  Dani provides a matter of fact description of the insanity that's happened: Tila gave her grandmother a lap dance, they ate around a dildo chandelier, and Tila's breast pooped out.  That pretty much sums up this show.

Dani thinks she's the right one for Tila, and gives her a cheap key chain locket with her number inside, so no matter what, Tila can always call her wherever she is.  Dani is a bit upset that Tila hasn't made up a decision yet, because she knows how perfect she is for Tila.  She makes excellent arguments, and my heart will break if she doesn't win.

Tila meets Bobby at the grotto.  He's wearing a black wifebeater, and all I can think of is that he's a very, very poor man's version of Justin Chambers.  Maybe a homeless man's Justin Chambers.  He gives her a journal to write her songs in.  It's OK, but it's not nearly as sweet as she thinks it is.

Bobby doesn't want to think about not winning, but he's surprisingly complimentary to Dani.  It's refreshing to see a reality show where the final two contestants actually get along with each other.  They make out, and it's "the sexiest kissing I've ever done, ever," according to Bobby.

A Shot at Love Final Elimination Time!  Sadly, as there are 18 minutes left in this episode, I suspect this will be very drawn out.  As Dani and Bobby walk in, there are even more flashbacks to their experiences throughout the season.  God, half this whole episode is clips from previous episodes.

Tila gives a long speech about love.  Then she goes into why each of them are so great.  Pick Dani, already, what are you waiting for?  Tila essentially calls Bobby a woman on the inside, so in reality, both of these finalists are neither all man nor all woman.

Tila want to take A Shot at Love withs...BOBBY.  NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Dani is upset and walks away.  Awww.  Tila is kissing Bobby, and suddenly she has flashbacks to making out with Dani and regrets her choice and runs after Dani as The Fray's "How to Save a Life" chimes in.

WHAT THE HELL?

Tila catches up to Dani and they embrace.  Tila breaks down in Dani's arms.  But Tila isn't changing her mind, she just wants to say goodbye.  Screw you, Tila, for getting my hopes up!  Tila claims she's in love with Bobby.

Dani is shocked and hurt.  She's at a loss for words.  It's so freaking sad, now I'm gonna be depressed.  Stupid show, making me care about you.

Tila returns to Bobby and suddenly all that sadness is gone and she's laughing and smiling and happy.  And that is A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila.  They go into the mansion to have sex.

In a brilliant final twist, they show Ashley screaming Tila's name from outside again as "The End?" appears on screen.  Way to pick up my spirits, show.


-John Kubicek, BuddyTV Senior Writer
(Image courtesy of MTV)