A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila

Rather than find out if Tila Tequila is straight or gay by picking Dani or Bobby on tonight's episode of A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila, we're treated to a clip show.  It's basically an extended edition of "The Hangover," hosted by Ryan Stout.  I love him and hate him all at the same time, because all he does is snark on the show, and if he's here to do that, why do you need me?

We start with lesbians doing body shots and they let pizza delivery boy Michael B. do his first ever body shot, simply because he has no game.  This show started with 32 people, so I really have no idea who the heck half these people are.

However, we do get to revisit Keisha, aka "Hey Girl, Hey!"  She was eliminated in episode 1, but on the bright side, she created one of my favorite new catch phrases of 2007.

Then we go back to Rebecca taking Tila aside during one of Ashley's many fights and we get to see a still shortened version of the Rebecca-Tila make-out session that apparently lasted a very, very long time.

Remember the "bi"athlon?  In the aftermath, the guys are doing what guys do when they lose to girls: rationalizing their lost as unfair.  We get some new footage of Domenico being whipped and tickled in the Hell room.   They also cut a brief slap fight between two of the guys in bondage.

Vanessa gives her views on why lesbians shouldn't have kids because it's so hard for them since the kids will be ridiculed, and Brandi is furious because her mom is a lesbian.  Dani give a nice speech about teaching your kids values, but on a purely practical level, Vanessa is kind of right: there are added complications for gay couples raising children that straight couples don't deal with.

Then we get hilarious montage of Ashley misnaming people.  He thinks Michael B. is Brian, Steven is Stevenson, and he calls Tila both Tia and Teelana.  If that wasn't enough to make me absolutely love Ashley, we learn that, after his huge meltdown when he was eliminated, he kicked a heavy flower pot and injured his foot.  The paramedics were called in, and when they ask if anything else is broken, he says, "Just my heart."  Aww!  He goes to the hospital, and watching him fill out the forms is more entertaining than anything that happened in the house after he left.  He lists his chief medical complaint as "Hurt foot."  He confuses marital status with martial status.  And when he comes across method of arrival, he's unsure if the car he came in was a Ford or a Chevy.  If you were able to watch that sequence with completely falling in love with Ashley and wanting to see a whole lot more of him, you are a fool.
We revisit the giant bed and the huge pillow fight from the first night.  Vanessa gave Domenico an atomic wedgie and Ashley thinks the lesbians are just like dudes, "but with vaginas."

Finally, a Domenico montage!  He has a fascination with skimpy, revealing underwear, either on him or on others.  We see him in a "Vagitarian" shirt, and we get the honor of him describing what dingle berries are (if you don't know, you don't want to).  Then we see the loving friendship of Ashley and Little Italy.  They were BFFs, and rival Brett and Pickel from America's Most Smartest Model for best reality show man love.

Next up, Vanessa: emotionally unstable, total wack job, or just major alcoholic?  She claims she's not an alcoholic, though she never wakes up before 3pm, and her nickname was vodka, because apparently she drank all of it in the house.  The craziness expanded past Vanessa, and we see the contestants slapping and yelling for a long time.

Now, a dance break!  We get a dancing montage, accompanied by Jamiroquai.  Man, remember Jamiroquai?  I think enough time has passed so that he's gone from totally uncool to just retro enough to be considered awesome.

The tumultuous relationship of Tila Tequila and Brandi is up next.  Tila really liked her, but due to the unfortunate (and awesome) cat fight between Brandi and Vanessa, she left prematurely. 

Now it's time to see more of Dani's amazing grandmother, who has no idea what a lipstick lesbian is, but she wants everyone to be themselves and doesn't care about sexuality.  Once again, we hear "Put that little butt on these knees."  Tila suggests Dani's grandmother should have her own reality show, and I can't disagree.  She could be like that old woman who talks about sex toys.

Finally, we get a montage of the many Shot at Love eliminations.  Hugs, tears, fights, the usual.  Now we get a special look at Tila Tequla falling in love.  We see her and the dolphins, and it's eerily accompanied by Usher's "Nice and Slow," which features the repeated refrain: "I'll f*** you right, I will."  Bestiality, nice.

Next week on the season finale of A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila: Bobby or Dani?  The drama finally comes to an end.


-John Kubicek, BuddyTV Senior Writer
(Image courtesy of MTV)