Previously on A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila
: Tila visited the hometowns of the final four, and Jay
's family was like a censored TV version of Caligula
. As such, the man from Jersey was sent home.
takes the final three to Cancun. They're all happy and at lunch Tila talks about wanting a monogamous relationship for 40 years. Bo
is quiet the whole time because he feels uncomfortable around all this yonic power. They go jet skiing, but Bo isn't allowed to because of his jaw, which disappoints him. She tries to throw him a bone by offering a kayak ride, but he doesn't go for it.
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Bo goes on defense and says he's angry they had fun and he wasn't allowed to. They compete in a Condom Blowup Race to determine the order of their solo dates. The three must jump into the pool, procure a condom, then bring it back to an air pump and inflate it…with their butts! The competition isn't about speed, but who blows it up the sexiest. Brittany
doesn't understand how to open a condom and Kristy
rides the pump like a porn star. Bo prematurely blows his condom. Brittany starts moaning. Brittany wins and she wants the middle date while Bo will go first.
On their date, Bo apologizes for acting like a child over the jet ski, and Tila starts crying about hurt feelings. Oh shut up Tila, how are you incapable of understanding that a man (a football coach, nonetheless) might get upset seeing the girl he's after and her two lesbian friends enjoying an athletic activity while he sits on the sides, impotent?
Brittany and Kristy mock Bo as doofy (I'm guessing a combo of “doofus” and “goofy,” but neither woman seems to understand that “doofy” isn't a real word) before deciding to go skinny dipping. Meanwhile, Bo and Tila hook up while he hums a little song. I suspect before the night is over, Bo won't be the only hummer in that room.
The next morning it's time for the token awkward breakfast at which everyone knows Tila had sex with the contestant she went on a date with, but they all have to pretend she didn't for some reason. The group date for the day involves a yellow submarine ride. At lunch, Bo once again shuts down because he feels uncomfortable in a group situation. Tila questions why they all feel jealous, which is obscenely hypocritical as she started the season sending two girls home for kissing each other. Tila Tequila manages to overlook the fact that when she's making out with one of the contestants, the others are put in that exact position.
On Brittany's date, she once again gets obsessively needy, saying how much she loves Tila. I predict several gallons of Chunky Monkey and a marathon of chick flicks and tissues in Brittany's future. They take a bath together which leads to…I'm not sure. I'm not even going to pretend to understand the mechanics of lesbian sex. The next morning, Brittany and Bo bond over their common knowledge of the post-coital breakfast.
: What's more annoying, those tiny baby truth.com commercials or the excessive promotion for
The Love Guru? The answer is the latter, mainly because I sat through a one-hour commercial for that film that was posing as a new episode of
Inside the Actor's Studio. Seriously, when did Mike Myers become thought of as a comedy legend?
Sorry, back to A Shot at Love
, where they go on a horseback ride. Kristy's horse starts to go a bit crazy, but it's mostly because she clearly has no knowledge about or interest in riding a stupid horse. The final date with Kristy includes a dinner on a yacht, and she's amazed because no one has ever spoiled her like that. Um, probably because most people can't afford private yacht dinners. Tila has concerns about Kristy's Jersey residence, but Kristy is more than willing to make it work. Dang it, Kristy is finally making me really like her, which also means I really don't want her to wind up with Tila Tequila. Recapping all these celebreality dating shows, I often find myself rooting against my favorites because they usually deserve better than the publicity hungry fame whores that star on these shows. They go inside and…once again, the technical details elude me.
Time for another awkward breakfast. Bo hijacks the meal by saying he's always thinking about Tila and will be much better when it's just him and her.
A Shot at Love 2 Elimination Time
! It’s back to the mansion for one more person to be eliminated before the finale. After an endless debating period, Tila comes down and says, “This is gonna be hard.” That’s what she said. Bo gets the first key because Tila is probably contractually obligated to make the finale guy vs. girl. Kristy gets the final key after Tila toys with her emotions for a bit, and Brittany is sent home because the apocalypse would come if Tila had two girls in the finale.
Next week on A Shot at Love 2
: A freaking clip show and reunion special, including the long-awaited reunion of Chad and Bo.
In two weeks on A Shot at Love 2
: Kristy or Bo? If you’re a fan of season 1 winner Bobby Banhart’s blog, then you already know the answer. If you’re not and would still like to know, check out BuddyTv’s spoiler article about who will win A Shot at Love 2
-John Kubicek, BuddyTV Senior Writer
(Image courtesy of MTV)