If he were running for President, Jack Bauer would win in a landslide.  Everyone loves 24's Jack Bauer.  The man is a patriot, a hero.  Television's most beloved bad ass returns to the TV screen after over a year's absence in November with a 24 prequel film, and it's fitting that Bauer's return more or less coincides with the most important political season America has seen in years.  Barack Obama or John McCain?  The most important question of the year has reached a fevered and ubiquitous pitch.  Friday's nationally televised debate didn't appear to sway many undecided voters.  However, Jack Bauer, BuddyTV's most famous political correspondent and star of 24, had something to say about it.  He wrote into us at BuddyTV soon after the debates ended with the below analysis.  It is unedited for your reading pleasure. 

Jack Bauer's Debate Analysis

Hello, fellow Americans.  My name is Jack Bauer.  I love this country and have done my absolute best to protect our fine nation in the face of nameless and inexplicably evil terrorists for most of my adult life.  In most ways, I have succeeded, yet my service has taken an extensive emotional toll on my personal life.  You might know this.  Nonetheless, you may assume that John McCain is my guy.  We do share similarities, having endured torture in foreign lands (McCain in Vietnam, me in China).  Of course, I've also endured many a hardship on the mainland.  The senator from Arizona has had a better time of it since returning to America (he became a senator and married a damn heiress).  I, on the other hand, keep getting involved in high-stakes national crises, for which I've put the safety of American people first, rules and commands second.  Somebody has to.  Anyway, I was watching the Rachel Ray show last week (yes, Jack Bauer watches Rachel Ray – her five-minute meals tend to come in handy) and Senator McCain declared that I was one of his heroes.  Flattering, sure, but I do not consider myself a hero.  I am simply a man.  I've made many un-heroic decisions in my life, some of which have resulted in the deaths of innocent people. 

It is this comment alone that makes me question John McCain's ability to lead this country. 

So, to the debates.  Despite what you may assume, I am still undecided in regards to the upcoming election.  I am preparing to send in my absentee ballot – I can't really plan on being able to physically go to the polls in November because, you know, sometimes things come up, like averting a nuclear attack from some random middle eastern country.  Those incidents always happen at the most inopportune times.  Obama, though he first struck me as a possible terrorist (I'm sorry, these terrible instincts are difficult to get rid of), I've grown to enjoy the man.  He is honest and well-spoken.  I've dealt with so many inept members of the political system that someone like Obama seems like he'd be a great diplomat.  Also, he reminds me of my old (now deceased) friend David Palmer, and not just because of the color of his skin.  Like Palmer, Obama is well-spoken and charismatic with the ability to excite the people. 

McCain is more in line with my past ideology.  He claims to be tough on terrorism, though I'm not too sure his past backs this up.  Whereas I tend to find myself on the conservative side of many an issue, the issue that still riles me up is the war in Iraq.  I've lost many an old colleague in this unnecessary war.  When Black Water offered me a position in Iraq for a high six-figure salary, I admit – I almost accepted.  But, I would then be a mercenary and not, in my opinion, serving the best interests of the American people.  Obama's early opposition of the war has endeared the man to me.

The debates were especially boring.  Nothing new was really discussed and, like many of those idiot cable pundits, it's difficult to hail either side as victorious.  Nevertheless, Obama was more well-spoken and calm in the face of pressure.  In a nuclear crisis, if terrorists are on the loose, my experience tells me that the calm and collected president makes better decisions.  McCain got rattled during a freaking debate.  What will he do during a national emergency?

I am looking forward to Thursday's Vice Presidential debates very much.  Joe Biden is an old acquaintance – we recently spent some time together in Washington, D.C. drinking whiskey and telling each other some proverbial war stories.  He is a man close to my heart – we've both lost a wife in tragic ways, you must remember.  This Palin character seems to absurd to be true, like a character on a TV show.  But, I will reserve judgment until the debate.

As of now, my decision remains up in the air, though I find myself leaning towards the senator from Illinois.  I'll be checking in with BuddyTV throughout the election season with more analysis, so stay tuned. 


Yours Truly, Jack Bauer

See also: Jack Bauer's Fourth of July Tips

(Image Courtesy of FOX)